Hello everyone! I'm an 18 year old girl. I've explored my body since puberty and found what feels good and what doesn't. But, NOTHING feels good. I get turned on, touch myself, but I despise the feeling. I do this multiple times a day.. I definitely feel the sensitivity and I've experimented with different techniques but I really, really hate the sensation I get from all of them. Nothing feels good at all and I don't get any pleasure from actually touching myself, but I do when I get horny. To elaborate, I get pleasure from the FEELING of being turned on, but when I masturbate I get displeasure.
I'm not ashamed of pleasuring myself and I know the big O isn't the goal, and I WANT to feel good, so I don't think it's my mindset. However, I have been majorly depressed for years, and I wonder how much of an impact that has. I at least thought that it just wouldn't feel GOOD, plus I thought depressed people masturbate a lot because that's one source of dopamine, but I straight up just hate masturbating. How can I go about masturbating in the future when I want to, but I don't like it?