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I had some guy grab me this morning

Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:19 am
by TnGirl
I was going to say it on Facebook but I don't want all my friends knowing about it. But I was out jogging this morning, got stuck on a street corner waiting to cross and this other jogger was coming the opposite way, we looked at each other and I smiled and nodded because he was another jogger. But he came around me and squeezed my butt as he was jogging on by. I'm 14 years old! I look 14! I didn't do anything, I kept on jogging the way I was going but then I turned around and tried to look for him but I didnt see him.
I had to post this somewhere and shout it out on what happened to me. Not going to jog around that area anymore. Maybe buy some bear spray. But anybody who reads this just keep an eye on yourself.

Re: I had some guy grab me this morning

Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2021 8:02 am
by Sam W
Hi TnGirl,

I'm so sorry that happened to you! I ran cross country in high school and I vividly remember all the times someone decided that my minding my own business while running while was somehow a sign to harass me; it sucked, big time.

It sounds like you're mostly venting, which is totally fine! But if there are things you want to talk about around this or ask for advice or support on, we're happy to do that. Too, have you told anyone else what happened?

Re: I had some guy grab me this morning

Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:33 am
by Carly
Hi TNGirl -- I just wanted to offer you some additional support. Sadly, street harassment and assault is a common experience. A couple of years ago I was walking down the street (a busy street with a lot of folks around no less) and a man on a bike rode up behind me and put his hand up my skirt. My thoughts spiraled, every thing from "I shouldn't have worn a skirt" to "I shouldn't have left my house today." It bums me out that those who experience this often end up being the ones feeling the need to take responsibility what happened or alter their behavior, like me believing it was my fault because I left my house and you considering buying self-defense spray and changing where you exercise. It sounds like you aren't internalizing guilt the same way I did; I glad you're not considering giving up something you like doing because this happened, just finding ways to feel more comfortable. And I'm glad you feel comfortable telling us what happened. Like Sam said, we're happy to talk more about what happened and how it made you feel if you want.

Re: I had some guy grab me this morning

Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2021 11:35 am
by TnGirl
Yeah I'm venting and yeah I'm uncomfortable. I told my mom, my mom called the cops and I will be talking to a sex crimes detective on Monday. The officer mentioned that there are cameras at that intersection and that they could possibly locate the guy. He was a jogger like me, I'm sure he lives in the area.
My mom isnt forcing me to talk if I don't want to, it's my choice. I don't know what they could do to the guy anyway, maybe I would have to talk to a judge?
it was the first time i only had a sports bra on normally I have a shirt over it. Not my fault, but not doing that again.

Re: I had some guy grab me this morning

Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2021 12:43 pm
by Carly
What kinds of things help you feel calm? It sounds like venting here is helping a little bit, but are there other things that help you ease tension or cheer you up? After the experience I mentioned I needed some extra self-care to recover emotionally. Here's a big list of examples and ideas if you're not sure. Does any of that resonate with you?

Re: I had some guy grab me this morning

Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2021 2:52 pm
by TnGirl
Carly how old were you? Did you have friends around you? Did you report it? Or did you wish that you reported it?
I feel like an object right now. I already know I'm going to look at every guy from now on! I've seen guys look at my boobs, but how many look at my butt? I've had a few guys brush up along me before, I had one guy at a concert two years ago who was grinding on me but I didn't even catch it at first but when I did I moved up a little and kept my hands behind my butt. I had a friend who was grabbed a couple times at that same concert, and she was 11.
What would they do to this guy anyway? Make him pick up trash for 10 hours? Isn't that what they did to the guy who grabbed that female reporter on camera?
I am going to watch that Soull movie. That's what I'm going to do for self care. Self care is jogging and enjoying a nice morning, that's self care.
Things would have been different if I wasn't stuck on that corner. And I could have moved around that Street poll so that he couldn't go right by me.
Carly, would you report this if this happened to you again?

Re: I had some guy grab me this morning

Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2021 8:21 am
by Carly
Hey TNGirl -- I was about 25 when this specific incident happened, I'm 29 now. I was walking alone in my neighborhood, but I was on my way to meet friends so I was able to talk to someone about how I felt pretty much right away. There were also some witnesses on the street who asked if I was okay. I hesitated to report immediately because I wasn't sure if they would blame me somehow, and I didn't really get a good look at the person and didn't know what I could say if I was asked for a description. Then I thought about how this person could be physically sexually assaulting others in my neighborhood. That night I called the non-emergency number for the police department and told them what happened. I told them I wouldn't be able to identify the person, and I also declined to be followed up with. If it happened to me again and it happened exactly how it did - quickly, and no ability to identify a specific person - I would not have contacted them. People choose to report or not report incidents like this for lots of reasons, including their feelings about police presence in their communities. All we can do is try to make the choice that feels right to us at the given time.

I'm not sure what the consequences for the man who grabbed you would be, that tends to vary on where it happens and who decides the punishment. Because the crime committed is sexual assault against a minor, there is a chance it would be more than community service and this person may have to register as a sex offender. Regardless of what can be or is done, this person did something incredibly inappropriate. If nothing legal happens, I think there are a lot of ways to get closure on what happened without it.

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like an object - it sounds like this happening has triggered you into thinking more about other things you and friends have experienced. It feels really bad when someone decides to hurt you in order to make themselves feel good. I'm sensing that you are maybe starting to pick up some guilt by saying things would have been different if you weren't stuck on the corner, or if you moved around the street pole. I want you to remember that you didn't do anything wrong by just being there at that moment, what you wore, or what you did.

I liked reading about what you like to do as self-care, and I hope that you still feel comfortable when you go jogging because it sounds like it makes you feel really good. If you ever need anything extra, I think referring to that list is a good idea. Another form of self-care you might consider - even if temporary - would be talking to a counselor or therapist about what happened. Thinking about the incident and other things that have happened before can sometimes feel heavy on us, and there are a lot of people who are specifically trained to help sort those feelings out.