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Can't Get Anywhere

Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2021 1:09 am
by neatsnail
hey, age wise i'm in college and i'm a cis lesbian. and uh... for the past ten years now i've been trying almost every night to masturbate and (i realize this sounds really pathetic but) i have never been able to get anywhere, let alone orgasm. like i'm definitely interested/aroused when i do it! i have plenty of sexy thoughts! i even have privacy. but like, nothing helps, it's like all my sensitivity is dulled. i've tried a vibrator too and all that gave me was disappointment ): i was wondering if anyone had any tips or advice. i'm really worried that when i get into a sexual relationship eventually i'll be completely unprepared

(some extra details: i can't touch the clit directly so i usually touch around the area of it? going inside is useless because my fingers are too short and anything i'd put inside doesn't fit...)

Re: Can't Get Anywhere

Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2021 7:44 am
by Emily N
Hi neatsnail! It is totally normal (and not at all pathetic) to feel confused about masturbation. It is important to feel safe during masturbation, and see it as exciting and pleasurable rather than an obligation, so it’s good to hear that you are interested/aroused. I do want to address your concern about being unprepared in sexual relationships. While knowing what feels good to you is helpful during sexual experiences to make them more comfortable, being an “expert” at masturbation is not at all a requirement. Do it for your pleasure! (Also, there’s no such thing as an “expert”, we are all always learning.)

I also want to mention that as long as masturbation feels good, orgasism does not have to be the goal. And just because masturbation isn’t leading to orgasm right now, doesn’t mean that it won’t ever. There are also so many ways to masturbate, and there is no technique that works for all people all the time. In other words, it might take a lot of exploring to see what works for you. Does that make sense?

This article goes into some of the details of masturbation, and suggests some different ways to masturbate: ... sturbation