feeling too skinny

Questions and discussions about your bodies and their parts.
bikinksterboy
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feeling too skinny

Unread post by bikinksterboy »

On and off over the course of a few months I've lately been feeling as though I'm too thin. I'm 15, 5'6 and 106 lb. I know I'm not underweight, and my current partner has said multiple times how he doesn't think my body should change and loves it, and I don't expect ultra-muscle for myself since I myself don't want that sort of physique, and knowing all this I still sometimes get that nagging feeling looking in the mirror at my visible ribs that I'm just not right. if this means nayhting i guess i should also add that its more about my upper body as my legs are fairly well defined, but my abs, chest, and arms are slim. I don't think working out would really be worth it since my current schedule just doesn't accommodate for exercise beyond gym class, like I feel it might be more of an issue with how I'm thinking
Heather
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by Heather »

The biggest thing I see in this is you saying that your body is "just not right."

Here's the thing: there is no such thing as a "right" body or a "wrong" body. Seriously. There is simply whatever bodies we have, however they are. So, either all of our bodies are wrong, then, or all of them are right (I prefer the latter take, myself).

Your body, as far as I am concerned, has to be right, because there it is, the body you have. :)

So, het's maybe talk instead about what's going on with your body image: with how you feel about your body that has you thinking your body has to be different than it is to be or look "right" to you. Sounds like you have a clue that's the real deal here, anyway.

What can you think of that might be feeding these ideas lately, and possibly contributing to negative ideas about your body? Anything new or different in your life, community, the media you take in, etc. over these last few months that you think might have facilitated this change in how you feel about your body?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
bikinksterboy
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by bikinksterboy »

new or different things in my life not really in fact I've been seeing more skinny guys in media than ever lately(however most have been feminine, have yet to see too many examples of dudes with noodle arms virtually nonexistent abs that aren't made to look androgynous in fiction), people i don't think so,community well theres a few people at my school but i make a rule to not (consciously) compare myself to others, also in general with the whole fat acceptance thing which btw is great I've also been getting a lot of the message that while you can be healthy large thin is inherently bad, if that makes any sense, and i know this isn't intended by any true activists but it's been my subconscious perception n for a while.
Last edited by bikinksterboy on Wed Nov 02, 2016 2:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.
bikinksterboy
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by bikinksterboy »

sorry if I'm not making sense, going on about nothing, contradicting myself
Heather
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by Heather »

Okay, so it sounds like you know that those messages aren't sound, though. Any sense, given that, of how they're kind of invading your feelings about yourself even though you know they're bollocks?

One thing I think I hear you saying is that you are seeing skinny guys mainly presented as androgynous, not masculine. How do you identify your gender? If you identify yourself as masculine, and want to see and conceptualize yourself that way, do you think this might have something to do with what feels like your body is in conflict with your masculinity, or how you conceptualize masculinity?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
bikinksterboy
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by bikinksterboy »

I think this might sort of be the case. I don't believe in most pervasive media definitions of masculinity, and despite this in the back of my mind I'm still thinking "you're weak, be a man". as much as I make a conscious effort to disregard society's expectations of masculinity and forge my own identity I still subconsciously think of them as true
Heather
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by Heather »

Okay. So, you know, the good news about intellectually knowing something (or more than one thing) is a steaming pile of you-know-what, but not always being there emotionally, is that you can usually just work this all through in time by doing a lot of reminding yourself about the truth of things.

By all means, that might mean you feel uncomfortable on and off in the meantime, but we're going to often have at least some things like that in our lives at any given time, so it's sort of just something -- that conflict between what we know and how we feel -- that with practice, we usually can learn to live with and learn to deal with.

One thing I'd suggest as self-care when you're in a spot like this is to make a list of all the caring, affirming things you can do for yourself around your body: what things make you feel good in it, and take care of it as well as your feelings? Then start trying to do at least some of those things every day. :)
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
bikinksterboy
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by bikinksterboy »

this is an old-ass thread, but reviving it now: this time the feels are again about the skinniness and thin arms, but 3 other new developments:
1) feeling less of a "man" in terms of maturity looking at my visible ribs and lankiness. Like, I know there's no way I'm supposed to look really but I have this very strong feeling of being a child in an adult-size body sometimes, when I look at my proportions.
2) I get weird feelings when my belly naturally pushes out a little/slumps down when I relax. I know that's just what bellies do no matter your weight, but again it just feels like a reflexive "myehh" when I see it. The belly thing is I guess more of an issue for me because being thin is at least compatible with "androgynous" and/or "femboy" for me aesthetically, but the belly doesn't really fit in with that
3) Again I know all this can be resolved with a simple "just screw what people say and what has been drilled into you" but like, I'm having issues with reconciling facial hair, with non-normative gender presentation. Like, I know I can be fabulous and queer no matter what but a part of me I think feels like I have to "prove" my queerness by fitting a certain image of androgyny and actively "rebelling" in my look. I know that being a bearded twinkboi is kind of subversive in its own way but I still feel the feels about it. this ties into my general sort of feeling that I'm "not queer enough" and too much of a "straight-passing normie," that "queer" is this exotic thing that's rebellious and different, something I'm not even if I claim the identity
bikinksterboy
not a newbie
Posts: 272
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:32 pm
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by bikinksterboy »

(I know that I have accepted my beard in another post, I often have confusing contradictory feelings)
Carly
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Re: feeling too skinny

Unread post by Carly »

Hey bikinksterboy -- I'm sorry to hear you're thinking about this a lot again. Can you pinpoint why? Has something changed in your life that's making you think more about this or differently than you were? I'm sensing you may be caught up in what you should look like if you claim a particular identity. It sounds like this may be more of a general concern rather than strictly your physical body. Can you say more about why you don't think you're "not queer enough" and/or what makes you feel like you're too straight-passing?
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