i apologise for this may be a long topic
ok so, last week on vacation i successfully used tampons. this is a great step for me because one of my first topics here was my inability to get anything inside my vagina.
the tampons were small, the "beginner" size. i tried them in june and it was uncomfortable, it was not all the way in, but then i tried again right when on vacation and after the absolute first time when it hurt a little, they slid in with ease.
getting them out hurt me three times out of four, though.
the first time cos there wasn't enough blood.
the second time i hadn't put it all the way in (again) and i was at a dinner with my parents' friends, we were still at the hotel, and i went back to the hotel room toilet and it took me some time and lots of sharp pain to get it out. i cried so much also because of the emotional impact.
third time we had just got out of the sea and in a restaurant, my tampon overflowed, so i went to the bathroom and had to stuff my swimsuit with tp and taking out my tampon was agony again.
fourth time in the hotel room toilet and at the beginning it was bad, but then i relaxed and the pain was short before it got out smoothly.
i want to know, is this pain normal? and am i supposed to feel my tampon when it's full, or is it supposed to feel like nothing is there all the time (like it feels when you first put it in)
and another thing, since i was successfull with tampons, i tried my hand (no pun intended) at penetration, with my middle finger after i was wet from self pleasure. and this time i went deeper than most times, but! other than some weird textures, i also found there is a smaller hole inside, it can't be the cervix because i know it's a hole small like a pencil dot. it was a hole that my finger could go around, so i thought, can it be the hymen? from what i know the hymen is not located right at the front, it's a little centimetres deep, which is the most i could do, aka the "first part" of my finger.
thank you if you'll answer my questions, hope it's not too much.
moonchild, you still live in my heart
can i ask you something?
is your life better now?
(moonchild, cibo matto)