Okay hello again.
You all know I’m working through this. I work at a grocery store with a bunch of departments, today two people (they are bf and gf and live together) called out because they have symptoms of coronavirus. I freaked out because like we’re always so close to each other back there we have to be to get stuff done in the small spaces we have.
My mental health is shit right now, I have no time for personal things and it’s making things worse I feel like. (I’m not suicidal so don’t worry about that). I’ve been having horrible panic attacks and anxiety attacks. The past 4 days I’ve had major ones everyday. One day I literally couldn’t even move my legs.
I was hospitalized when I was 20 and my brain felt like it did when I was admitted and I realized that and I realized asking for help is okay and I also realized that I can’t do this alone and that’s 100%. So I contacted a therapist as I don’t have one right now and she was in the same office as my old one and I didn’t realize until she was like oh I can get notes on you from her and I was like awesome and we scheduled an appointment for today.
I got a call 2 days ago and it was her saying that “in person” therapy was very important to my old one and she’s following her plan and that she couldn’t see me because it’s via zoom and not irl. She said I could do intensive outpatient therapy instead and it’s via zoom, 3 days a week. I said no, because I can’t afford it because I don’t have insurance.
Like I don’t even know how to think clearly. Should I seek another therapist outside that office with prices I can afford? I just need some insight on everything because I’m a mess. I’ve been working at 2am so I work and then come home and clean up and do laundry and get to chill for a little bit and then I make dinner and go to sleep at like 6pm. It’s an exhausting cycle.