Sexuality confusion

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beck
newbie
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Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2020 7:36 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: happiness!
My primary language: english
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My sexual identity and orientation: somewhere between heteroflexible and bisexual
Location: utah

Sexuality confusion

Unread postby beck » Thu Apr 23, 2020 8:09 pm

Hello,
I am a 19-year-old girl. In terms of sexuality, I identify as somewhere between heteroflexible and bisexual (between a 2 and 3 on the Kinsey scale), but don't have a specific label for it.
I have only ever felt romantic feelings for men, but feel sexually attracted to both men and women equally. (although have never really been in a position to develop romantic feelings for someone of the same sex)
I have only ever had relationships with men, and only ever had sex with men although I have kissed members of both sexes and enjoyed it equally.

I am in a new (3 months) relationship with a boy that I really really love. He has been one of my best and closest friends in the last year and we started dating in January. I am monogamous and a very loyal person in terms of relationships... meaning that I have never been tempted to cheat or explore other options while in a relationship.

I have had one very healthy previous relationship with a boy which lasted about a year, and when that ended I decided not to pursue another relationship until I had taken time to grow individually and explore my sexuality more... and I really wasn't planning on being in another relationship for a long time. However, in my time between relationships I never really had an opportunity to do explore in the way I intended to. And when the opportunity arose to date one of my very best friends, it felt foolish to let that pass me by.

At the moment I am in a very happy and very healthy relationship with an absolutely incredible straight male, and am very much in love with him.
My dilemma is that I feel like I never had an opportunity to pursue or explore my sexuality with the same sex, and my current relationship feels like it is on track to last for a very long time (and I certainly want it to).

I still fantasize and wonder about what it would be like to be with a woman. My current boyfriend is aware and very supportive of my sexual identity and is also very monogamous. Meaning that so long as we are together I do not think he would be comfortable with me exploring the possibility of having sex with a woman. I don't have any desire to cheat or be intimate with anyone else because I am very happy. But I can't help but wonder. I am concerned that I will miss my opportunity to fully understand and explore my sexual identity due to a lack of experience and opportunity.

Moving forward, I am still interested in exploring this, but am not sure how to navigate that or how to communicate that to my current partner. I know it would hurt him if I told him I wanted to be intimate with someone else, but I am concerned about moving forward into a very serious relationship without fully understanding my sexuality. I would seriously appreciate any advice about how to navigate this.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7254
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Sexuality confusion

Unread postby Sam W » Fri Apr 24, 2020 7:34 am

Hi beck,

So, there are few different things going on here, and at a certain point what you choose to do will depend on what things you want to prioritize. Too, some of this is going to stay pretty hypothetical over the next few months, as the recommendation is to only be sexual with someone you're already living with. That puts exploring in-person sexual or romantic relationships with new people off the table for the time being.

One thing I do want to say is that you can fully understand your sexuality even if you never get the chance to explore certain elements of it with another partner (I say this as someone who figured out a key part of my orientation after committing to a long-term, monogamous relationship). You can still have a pretty strong sense of who you're attracted to and how you identify while not getting the chance to do certain things, and if you want to talk more about that we certainly can.

Can I ask what concerns you have about moving into what could be a very serious relationship without feeling like you fully understand your sexuality?


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