Jacob wrote:Hi avaiara! It's nice to hear from you!
Reading you write about this situation it sounds like, recently, he hasn't been a good person for you, at least in communication style (or lack thereof!) to be in contact with in your more recent attempts to interact with him.
I understand that this is a stressful time and not everybody is good at communicating when under stress, however it's important to be self-aware of this, whereas his behavior sounds like someone who isn't showing you the care needed in any type of relationship.
Asking you to visit him at the same time as an ongoing pandemic and clearly giving you far less conversation than is clearly important to you feels completely irresponsible thing of him to ask you.
Even if this sounded like a caring and positive interaction, I would still advise any one asking this question not to go on dates, meet dates, or (if this is on the cards) engage in sexual activity with someone outside of their household.
I'm so sorry to have to be so discouraging! I would say that someone who is flippant about our emotional health such that they simply tell you "don't worry" when you have concerns and flippant about your physical health when seeking an interaction on their terms is probably best left behind!
I think talking can be helpful, but I would say the aim of a conversation would be to leave him to something to think about rather than resolving the current situation which oversteps what are some pretty important boundaries for me.
Again I'm so sorry that this is something you have to think about instead of just having a nice correspondence with a person who you otherwise must feel good about, especially as a way to get through a lock-down intended to address a massive health crisis.
A couple of ways forward I think could be to perhaps to try switch to a different chat application than Snap-chat. I know it gets in my head when I see read receipts and the like on messaging apps so I turn them off wherever I can and that really helps.
Besides that how are other folks in your life! Are you feeling able to keep connected with other folks?
avaiara wrote:my friends/family life is okay i feel pretty connected to everyone still through zoom calls and facetime, i’m currently quarantined with my roommate who happens to be one of my closest friends so thankfully i’m not in a bad situation!
Jacob wrote:avaiara wrote:my friends/family life is okay i feel pretty connected to everyone still through zoom calls and facetime, i’m currently quarantined with my roommate who happens to be one of my closest friends so thankfully i’m not in a bad situation!
I think crisis doesn't necessarily bring out the best in people and it could be that his coldness is partially a result of this general mood.
When I said "leaving him something to think about" I was referring to the fact that sometimes we talk to people or tell them how we're feeling to resolve a situation or try and improve how a relationship is working, and we might feel like we need them to show us that they have heard and paid attention to what we have said.
I'm suggesting that instead of that, telling someone how you feel can be part of letting go of those feelings, and letting go of that person.
To me it sounds like he isn't showing any care and is encouraging you to put yourself at risk. I'd suggest leaving the relationship behind and perhaps redirecting the energy that pushes you keep messaging him into your other friendships that sound way more supportive.
Jacob wrote:Exactly. Time to enjoy your time keeping up with your people who actually show care and respect towards you!
Sam W wrote:Hi avaiara,
It sounds like talking to him went well in that he was willing to open up to you, apologize, and give you a little more context as to why he's acting the way he is. That's definitely a positive step, and it sounds like you're feeling a little better because of it!
In that conversation, did the two of you talk about what supporting each other right now looks like, or steps to take to be sure he's not directing his stress and frustration about the pandemic and it's side effects at you?
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