I want to clarify this piece, I feel like I may have made it sound like I shave more than I do, I don't notice a difference when I do or don't shave. I keep things tidy, for sure, but I also don't shave as often as I think you might be believing? Although ingrown hairs may happen, that's definitely not this. It helps to know it's more common but idk, it's not something I enjoy. What really helped a lot was, and I'm not sure where but I know it was Scarleteen, someone mentioned the instagram account @the.vulva.gallery on instagram, and definitely learned a little bit from there. Being trans sucks in it's own so I don't know how well I'm able to make peace with that, thankfully that dysphoria isn't insane all of the time, and my hope is that surgeries will improve.
I think my biggest fear is like having a partner point them out as something they aren't, like I actually was tested and I'm glad I did that, but it's just not fun looking at them at all..I do think it's nice hearing (or I guess seeing in this case) that there's a lot of diversity, and also that it seems fairly common, which I really didn't know about. With shaving, I like things looking tidy, I hate it clean shaven because for me it's triggering, but also I find I just dislike having lots of hair. There's an in between I like and that's how I roll, and I think that's okay. I spent so long viewing them as an sti after being in a really bad situation, and thought I'd be stuck with those consequences of what they did to me, even physically for life. So I think that'll definitely take time to work through, for something I viewed for so long in fear and humiliation, thinking no one would ever love me because of it, that's definitely going to take some time to undo, even though I've been cleared by a doctor.
As a side note it really gave me a clear idea of how important safe sex is, I would stay up at night crying and couldn't tell my parents that I wanted to be tested out of fear they would find out what happened to me and blame me, following that I also needed to go to a specific clinic and be of a certain age (in my case 14) to be tested alone. It was repeated and I was shown pictures in health class of worst case scenario sti's and that terrified me. I never want to go through that again, it's so important for me to be safe, because in a way, I was able to escape that somehow, they had done it to other people as well and somehow, nothing. I'm so so grateful for that and treat it as so, I love and use the phrase no glove = no love, it's mandatory especially knowing how common sti's are among my age range.
I have so many more questions but I love learning and exploring this topic so much, I think so much of what y'all do here is incredibly important and it kind of gives me an idea of some of the options I have when I get a bit older. So I hope that it's okay that I keep asking.
You have the power to say "This is not how my story will end".