Hi so I feel like this is like dumb but here we go.
I'm a 17 year old trans girl. I'm a junior and I've identified as a girl since freshman year. Everyone, students and teachers, call me by my name and use my pronouns and such. But, I haven't socially transitioned (clothes, hairstyle, etc) nor have I medically transitioned yet. I can't due to my situation with my parents. I still think about how I will transition when I move out, though.
The reason I'm trans is because of an early exposure to porn. Whenever I would watch it, I would always identify with the woman in the video. I wanted to be the woman, I wanted to feel what she was feeling, I wanted to be in that position. At the time, this made me very confused, and it gave me major dysphoria. I desperately wanted a vagina and wanted gender reassignemnt surgery asap, but I didn't know what being trans was until making some queer friends in middle school. At the time, I still didn't even think of myself as trans. But somewhere after finding the kink friendly and queer friendly sides of Tumblr and Twitter and Reddit, I came to love my dick. I felt my dick was a part of who I am femme wise and that, with my sex drive and sexual nature, is a very large part of what makes me feel female. I'm a sex-loving girl with a dick and there's nothing wrong with that. Dysphoria obviously hits hard every now and then, but I love having my dick and I don't think gender reassignment surgery is right for me anymore.
But I've known for a very long time that I want to go on HRT to develop tits. I wouldn't feel complete without them. Problem is, from what I've researched, HRT would lower my sex drive, sterilize me, and ruin my ability to get hard and cum. I know implants are an option but I want tits that are made from me and not just silicone. This leaves me with a really bad dilemma.
1. Going without HRT would leave me with top dysphoria for the rest of my life.
2. Going on HRT would fix my top dysphoria but then amplify my bottom dysphoria.
Are there any options I don't know about or haven't considered??? Anything I think is true but actually isn't??? This problem has plagued my mind for years and I think hearing it from someone directly would help me.