Just jumping in here to say - when you see articles and things online that say “Don’t settle for a relationship without oral sex”, they’re usually addressing a person who enjoys and wants to have oral sex in their relationship, but has not communicated with their partner what they want and need, or their partner refuses to honor those wants/needs.
Everyone should be able to get what they want in a sexual (or non-sexual!) relationship, but that only comes when each person communicates them. I totally hear what you’re saying about not wanting to be turned away by someone if you speak your own
need to not have oral sex - it can be tough to hear a no, especially when there are a lot of narratives out there about frequent oral sex as a foundational part of a healthy relationship. But there are plenty of other people out there who don’t enjoy oral sex, or don’t find having it frequently high on their list of priorities. You shouldn’t have to feel bad about your own needs and wants, and certainly shouldn’t have to force yourself to do something sexual that you don’t really enjoy.
In case they might be helpful, I wanted to drop a few articles here: both What’s In A No?
, which is all about keeping that belief in yourself and your inherent worth even if someone turns your down, as well as Be A Blabbermouth: The Whys, What’s, and How’s of Talking About Sex with a Partner
, which is all about asserting what you want and need with someone.
Another thing I wanted to say (and feel free to tell me I sound like a boring old person telling you to be patient, because I hate that) is that navigating when your own wants and needs don’t match up with someone else’s gets easier with time! Everyone has their own particular set of preferences, and part of the risk of hooking up with or dating someone is seeing whether or not you’re compatible!