I am a teenage guy who is with a girl that he really likes. We are not having sex yet but are doing everything else. I don't know of a word that means "an assortment of sexual activities minus intercourse" so I am just saying sex in this question to make things simpler. Both my partner and I really enjoy making the other person feel good during sex. It is a huge turn-on for both of us, and it is both of our top priorities during sex. We have good communication and have both learned what the other person likes so sex can be really great.
Heres the issue. She has had some not great experiences in the past which means that she is usually uncomfortable with being touched. This leads to really unbalanced sex where I end up finishing and she gets almost no attention at all. When she is in a good headspace everything runs smoothly and the sex is fantastic. When things are unbalanced I feel personally disappointed (because making her feel good makes me feel good), I feel disappointed in myself (because I believe sex should be about both people feeling good), and she ends up feeling bad because I feel bad.
I feel like I can't say no to unbalanced sex because she enjoys making me feel good. I feel like I can't push for balanced sex because that would just be a dick move. How do I deal with this situation? How do I deal with sexual trauma in general? To lighten up a heavy post, any low budget bdsm scene tips would be appreciated.
Thank you for your help