Anal sex

[andrej]

Hello!
I am a 24 years old, healthy, bi guy. I would like to get an advice on how to prepare myself for bottoming without douching. Every other site suggests using enemas, but I've read that they can mess up your bowel flora so I would like to avoid that and prepare myself in a less invasive way.

I have tried bottoming once before and I didn't do much (I had sex in the morning but I showerd the night before and I felt no need to go to the bathroom so I guessed I was fine) and everything was fine and clean, perfect in fact. Now, I'm just afraid I was only lucky and now I'm not sure if I should do more to make sure I'm clean so I would like to get some piece of advice and/or info about non-invasive cleaning techniques on that.

Thanks in advance!

[Alice M]

Hello!

You're correct, you do not need to use enemas or anything like that. The anal canal can have trace amounts of fecal matter, which is typical and fine. It's a thing that makes us all human. Showering beforehand and cleaning yourself thoroughly after having a bowel movement prior to sex is likely to leave you feeling ready and clean. This is an area in which you'd want to use a very mild soap so you don't irritate your tissue. If you're not sure where your personal comfort level is regarding cleanliness, I'd recommend using your fingers to explore your anus to determine how it feels to you.

Using condoms and condom-safe lubricant is especially crucial here, in order to keep you safe from infections.

[andrej]

Thank you Alice for such a quick response!

Yes, I'll be definitely using lube and condoms. I'm still not sure (so I would like to get your opinion) if I need to (and how to do it if I do need to) douche myself with water only?
And is it okay to use soapy fingers to clean my anus from the inside?

[Alice M]

You're welcome! Glad to hear that you're using lube and condoms.

I personally wouldn't use soap internally at all -- particularly right before you're planning to engage in anal entry, as that's not an area that you want to irritate. You also do not need to use enemas at all.

Here is some advice on enemas for safety tips if you do plan to go ahead and use one, however. It's noted that these can lead to more irritation for some people (as you brought up in your original post) and that saline or water is your best bet.

Overall, it sounds like you had a comfortable first experience. I understand your concerns about wanting to feel clean, and also want to acknowledge that you did have a positive first experience with this, so it seems likely that you would again. Additionally, sometimes little body things happen (smells, etc) and I highly recommend engaging with partners who understand that you're a human too.

If you feel anxious about this, do you think that speaking to your potential sex partner about your comfort level around cleanliness would help? I know that isn't always easy and can feel vulnerable in a scary way, so here's something to get you started on what that could look like:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

[andrej]

It would definitely help to talk to him about this. He is a bit older and much more experienced with having sex with guys, but I don't really know how to bring this up since, even though we have amazing connection and he really is sweet and nice, we've only seen each other 2 times for about 3-4 days. I don't want to ruin the moment, which I know is silly haha. So far I assumed I am clean since the first time bottoming was smell and poop free and he always takes a lot of time rimming me which I guess he wouldn't do if I weren't clean enough. Sorry if it's too much information haha, I am a bit anxious and just want to do it right.

[Alice M]

Whoops, I edited my above post to reflect what I anticipated right as you posted... as it can be for a whole lot of us, communicating with partners can be a tricky skill to practice! You are not alone here. It's common to feel self-conscious about our body functions too, even when we know they are typical of the general human population.

Here is that piece about communication: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

There are lots of great tips and starting points in there for communicating about such things, I highly recommend that you read it and come back with questions and comments. I won't repeat the entire article here, but I will say that focusing on discussing your prior encounter(s) could be a great way to start -- for instance, talk about what you enjoyed about your last encounter, what you would like to change or improve and bring up your concerns or questions for him around your body and cleanliness. I believe that it's possible to have this conversation without "ruining the moment" and as you develop this skill, these conversations can even be fun! You may learn something about your partner and about yourself. Does that make sense? It can be scary and it's also very important.

[andrej]

Hahah you really read me like an open book!
In my head, it seemed like a really scary conversation to have, especially since he is a bit avoidant when it comes to his feelings and expressing his attachment. Actually, I am kind of the same way.
Anyway, that article was really useful and I don't feel like this is a big, serious conversation we need to have, but rather a casual and fun way we could discover more about each other.

Thank you so very much!

[Alice M]

I'm so glad it was helpful! I promise that this stuff gets easier with practice. I hope it goes well and please do come back with questions or concerns.