Scarleteen

Hi I'm 13 so it is illegal to have sex where I am from at my age. I dont plan on having sex till I am married (not solely because of my religion but also moral values) but I feel really guilty about having fantasies of close guy friends. I know I don't like these guys and that a lot of people have fantasies but I want to know if it's normal to have them about close friends?

Hi Rm2882,

I think an important starting place is that there really isn't a "normal" when it comes to fantasies. Like most things having to with sex, there are things that are more or less common, but because of how diverse human sexuality--including our fantasies--is, there's never going to be one kind that are normal while the others are weird or bad.

All that being said, lots of people find themselves having fantasies about people they know or people they see often, and that includes people like friends. Given that info, is this still something you're feeling guilty about? If so, why?

Well these are people I have know for years and they are in a relationship. It's not like this has been happening very long they just started(maybe a month) it makes me feel dirty especially because I'm so close to these people

Got it. I think something that might be helpful to remember is that fantasies are ultimately harmless; they can't do anything to the person--or people--you're thinking them about because they only exist in your head. Issues only really arise if we start treating people like they're only their for the purpose of being an object we fantasize about, rather than an actual person with needs and boundaries, but that doesn't sound like that's what's happening here.

If these fantasies are still causing more guilt or discomfort than they are pleasure, it's also totally okay not to engage with them. That would mean not going out of your way to think about them or, if they pop up unexpectedly, acknowledging you had them but then not dwelling on them.

Ok thanks sorry it's been crazy lately that why I didn't respond