another collection of some questions/concerns

[SillyMcGoof_]

hey! apologies for posting so much lately, if its too much i understand. i just have a few more questions/comments/concerns i would like to share right now:

1: if questions/requests of this type isn’t allowed i understand, you can just disregard this one if so, but could i maybe get some gender validation in relation to ny genitals? like that my genitals and doing stuff with them isn’t like an inherently feminine thing but instead for me its a more masculine thing if that makes sense? (you can look at some of my previous posts to see more what i mean and stuff) i just think i’ll internalize it better if i hear it from someone else directly.

2: any advice on working up the courage to masturbate? like alot of the time i get urges and i try to push em down (mainly for reasons brought up in previous threads, and also im always a bit scared of the unexpected in terms of how it will feel) so it takes a bit for me to actually do it, is there anything that could help me to just go for it and not ignore my body?

3: how do i tell if im for sure finished? like last time i think i might have finished but also im not 100% sure.

4: any advice on feeling more attractive? i have a decent amount of issues in terms of my self image, mostly because of the fact that i have dermatillomania and have scars, scabs, and scratches all over my face and body, and also im not super happy with my hair, face and voice either (some is dysphoria related, some isn’t)

5: is it ok that i usually like drawn porn instead of irl stuff? like irl stuff kind of grosses me out usually but drawn stuff gets me going, is that ok/normal? im on the ace spectrum so that might play a part but idk

apologies if any of these questions were answered already in some capacity, i tend to forget things like that alot. i dont mean to be annoying or a bother or anything.

that should be all the questions i have for now but i will definitely have more in the future (again, sorry for having so many questions and posting so much). thanks! :)

[Sam W]

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

It's totally okay! We're here to answer questions, so we're glad when folks ask them.

1)One way I often talk about it is that masturbation is so varied that there really isn't a "feminine" and "masculine" way of masturbating; two people with different sets of genitals could, and do, arrive at the same kind of masturbation. But I think it can also be helpful to think of it this way: if you are masculine, then the way you masturbate is masculine.

2) I actually wonder if the advice in this article might offer some starting points: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms. The more you can feel like you're approaching masturbation on your own terms and at your own pace, the easier it might be to feel calmer or braver about it.

3) This is tricky in some ways, because orgasm can feel a bit different for each person, and for an individual person from day to day. That being said, Heather goes into some details here on how to tell if you've had an orgasm or are otherwise in a place where you sexual response is sort of wrapping up: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

4) I think my starting question for you here would be: are there things that you've noticed DO make you more confident with your appearance or, at the very least, make you feel more at home in your body? That could be activities you do, things you wear, anything really.

5) People get turned on by all kinds of sexual media, for all kinds of different reasons! So, you're far from the first person to find that drawn porn is something you enjoy far more than porn featuring live people.

[SillyMcGoof_]

hi! thanks for the response!

1: that actually helps alot and makes me feel a bit better. im trying to feel more comfortable with my vulva as someone from a transmasc system so it definitely helps :)

2: i read the article and i’ll definitely try to work on that stuff more!

3: i’ll read this later and think more on it

4: honestly it really depends. because we are a plural system and are therefore multiple people it really just depends on who’s around at the moment. although generally we all feel pretty good in terms of our body itself (like our body shape and such), and we also feel more confident when we get to wear clothes that express who we are more (which isn’t that often bc we dont have many clothes that can do that for us). we also like doing our makeup sometimes and that can help us feel more confident sometimes but it also sucks bc as mentioned we have dermatillomania and we have a bunch of scabs and stuff all over our face so they would be pretty hard to cover up, and we also have really bad executive dysfunction so that doesn’t really help either in that department.

5: thats good to know! we’re autistic, collectively aroace, and trans so we have kind of a weird relationship with sex and relationships and stuff, so for us some stuff does it for us and some just makes us really uncomfortable and kinda grosses us out. our feelings when it comes to relationships, sex, etc are very complicated and really really hard to describe in words (sorry i kinda went on a tangent there lol)