So my relationship with my gender identity is weird.
I'm AFAB, sometimes I feel so happy to be in a feminine body. I love my voice, curly hair and just everything about my own body. Everything just feels so natural, and being female feels like the best thing in the world.
However, every once and a while, I'll have days that I just feel something about my body is slightly off. Like I'll avoid looking in mirrors and windows just so I won't see my own reflection. Those days are usually accompanied with anxious thoughts and feeling a bit depressed, but nothing serious enough to stop me from going to school.
I have asked myself many times questions like: do I want to do top surgery? Do I want to transition? And no matter how "weird" I was feeling that day, the answer is always "No". I just have this gut feeling that those stuff aren't for me.
But that has always left me confused. If I don't want any of that, why do I still feel that sense of weirdness ever once and a while? And am I still valid to identify as enby or a gender-fluid person even if I don't want to transition?
I'm also thinking that the "slightly off days" are caused by anxiety, since I do experience derealization because of that. So maybe I'm just confusing questioning gender with anxiety symptoms?