question about male friend

[aaru257]

I have a male friend.

I am also in a relationship.
However, he makes me very very uncomfortable and keeps trying to touch me (not in my private areas) but on my shoulders, keeps trying to hold my hand, keeps touching my hair, etc. etc.
He makes me super uncomfortable and I am not sure how to get him to stop.
Any tips?

[Sam W]

Hi aaru257,

I'm sorry your friend is making you uncomfortable. Have you spoken to him about this at all, even just in a casual way, and asked him to stop? If not, that would be step one in approaching this situation. If you haven't had it yet, would you like help in working out how to have that conversation?

[aaru257]

i haven't had a proper conversation with him yet because it makes me freeze up everytime he tries anything.

I would love to think about ways I could bring this up with him.

[Sofi]

Hi aaru257! I totally understand this can feel like a scary conversation to have, especially in person when he might be touchy and already make you uncomfortable from the beginning, so I propose having it over the phone, video call, or honestly, even text messages. It might also help to keep in mind that what you're asking of him is not bad, it's actually super understandable and reasonable, and he will most likely get it if he cares about your friendship. However I would love to give you some tips on navigating this situation. What you'll be doing is setting boundaries with him - you're letting him know what you are and aren't comfortable with, and why. I'm going to link you an article that talks about this, and one of the main takeaways is that although it's valid to be worried about your friendship being ruined over this, it would be ruined down the line if those boundaries aren't set and the behaviors keep happening anyway. Your boundaries, and you feeling comfortable with him, are more important than anything else. Here's the article:
Be Your Own Superhero: Learning How and When to Stand Up for Ourselves Please let me know if you have any questions about it! <3