I’m so tired of feeling so anxious around sex.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy it. I do, a lot. I love my boyfriend and I love being with him I’m every possible way, but it’s so hard to have sex without the threat of a pregnancy looming in my mind.
We use three methods every time. It’s probably overkill, but it makes me feel better. I take the combined pill about as close to perfect as humanly possible. He wears a condom, correctly, and afterwards we tie it off and pull on it to check for leaks like a couple of weirdos. He also pulls out well before he ejaculates, he knows when he’s getting close and promptly exits the premises. With all of that, I’m statistically more likely to get into a car accident and die, and I drive pretty darn safe.
I have access to an abortion if it ever needs to happen. It would be exhausting, and we’d have to be secretive, but it’s possible.
What gives man? Why me? I can’t afford to go back to therapy right now. I can really only rely on my meds, the stuff I did learn from therapy, and the cat to calm me down. And I can’t do brain surgery to remove my amygdala. I just want this to stop.