So let me put it this way. I'm a 16 almost 17 y/o trans nonbinary teenager, not comfortable sharing my assigned gender at birth. I am also not comfortable masturbating or having sex with my sex specific genitals until I have gotten bottom surgery. I have not dated anyone yet but if I do I plan on telling them that I am not comfortable having sex unless it is anal, until I have gotten bottom surgery.
The problem is, I want to be sexual somehow. I've never masturbated but I want to try anal masturbation. I know how to get lube without them checking my identity I'll just have to figure out how to do it without my mom knowing. I'm also a very queer and campy person, and I like things like wearing fishnets and sexy clothes. I'm also a songwriter and I want to write songs about sex, but I'm super nervous about sharing them with other people. I have a lot of sexual energy, I mean obviously I'm a horny teenager. I'm also super nervous about my mom finding out, she's supportive but there's some things you just don't share with your parents lmao. I'm also really nervous about porn, I want to watch porn but I'm nervous my mom will find out or it'll put viruses on my computer or it'll ask me for my age (I don't like lying because I'm autistic but that's a whole other thing), also nervous that if I masturbate I'll moan and my mom will find out. Also I'd probably only want to watch gay porn, and I'm wondering if there might be gay porn with campiness and such. Does anyone have any tips or answers for any of these things? Thank you!