Shocked and surprised yet comfortable

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Korey
not a newbie
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2021 8:45 am
Age: 16
Pronouns: she
Location: Richmond VA

Shocked and surprised yet comfortable

Unread post by Korey »

My boyfriend and I have been talking about an open relationship for a while, and we have been going over ideas about what I would be comfortable with doing. He was never pushy about anything, he gave me time to think about it and if I said no to anything then I know he would have been okay with that. I have learned a lot from him, I'm more sexually comfortable with myself, I'm no longer in that bubble.
Last night and I was at his place and I had sex with his friend, and I've known his friend for about a month now. It could have become a three-way, but I wasn't ready for that and they both knew that and it was not a problem with me saying no.
And now I just got out of bed and I'm a bit dumbfounded that I did it. I have learned a lot from my boyfriend, done some things that I didn't think I would ever do, and then I just find myself doing a little more every time.
I'm asking myself should I stop this or should I just keep going? Things are going to keep happening unless I say no, but saying no kind of ruins the magic about all of this.
BTW my boyfriend along with his dad are wonderful guys, couldn't ask for anything better. My mom has even met my boyfriend and she approves, although she doesn't know that I'm having sex, I don't think anyway. My mom has no idea that his dad has no problem with us having sex at his place, it makes it easier for me but my mom probably thinks nothing's happening. That's another topic to discuss I'm sure.
That's my thoughts for today.
Carly
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 200
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2020 9:13 pm
Age: 30
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: Bisexual
Location: American Midwest

Re: Shocked and surprised yet comfortable

Unread post by Carly »

Hey Korey -- we learn so much about ourselves by leaving our comfort zones, but I think it's also important to honor your boundaries, even if you're not totally sure what they are yet. It sounds like what happened was consensual, but did you want to do it? It might be helpful to think about those as two separate feelings, especially if you're feeling as surprised as you are that you did it. I'm comfortable sharing with you that I was in an open relationship previously in which I tried a lot of new things. Even though my partner wasn't pushy, I felt a little pressure to want to do what he wanted to try because I wanted to make him happy. While I consented to everything I did, I found myself in situations or trying things that didn't contribute to my own sexual fulfillment. When you say you do a little more every time, do you feel like this often times after? Are you trying things because you want to try them, or do you feel like you should try them?

(Also, let us know if you want to about how you feel about your mom.)
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