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- not a newbie
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2021 7:40 am
- Age: 16
- Preferred pronouns: he/him
- Location: Eurooe
Recently I've gotten into my first relationship (hers too), and it's amazing. Recently, we've started getting a bit touchy and cuddly, and I like it a lot, but I keep getting an erection when we do. I know erections are normal and that it's okay to have them, but I always feel like I have to keep it hidden. It's probably internalized shame, but still, I don't want her to see.
I don't want to have sex just yet, and I'm sure she doesn't either, so I'm afraid it'll scare her away if she realises I have an erection when we hug or cuddle.
I'm not sure how to go about discussing this with her. It might also be too early (~a month) for a discussion like that, but I also want to promote honesty and transparency in our relationship.
Some advice would be much appreciated.
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 7457
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 30
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Preferred pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity and orientation: queer
- Location: Desert
I'm glad you're in a relationship that makes you happy!
When it comes to getting erections, there are a few things it might help to keep in mind. One is that, like you pointed out, getting erection in non-sexual situations is normal. A side effect of that is that a lot of people, including a lot of cis women, know it happens, so they won't automatically assume it means you want to have sex.
I think talking with her about this is a sound choice, both because you're right that promoting honesty is important, but also because it'll likely make you feel less stressed the next time you get an erection while cuddling. This article has a lot of advice on how to approach that conversation: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... _questions
. Looking at that advice, does that seem like a doable next step?