Confused about sexuality and masturbation

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Nia Ray
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Confused about sexuality and masturbation

Unread postby Nia Ray » Tue Apr 06, 2021 11:20 am

Hi, I'm an 18 year old queer teen and I discovered that I was also attracted to girls/people belonging to other genders and started identifying as bisexual last year! That said, I figured out how to masturbate via clitoral stimulation and it feels really good! But when I try using my fingers for penetrative masturbation it really just felt very uncomfortable and not pleasurable. Is this because I amn't doing it right? Or is this normal?

Also the idea of having sex with a guy (especially penetrative sex) just makes me super uncomfortable, and I'm not quite sure what this says about my sexuality although I do think I'm attracted to guys and have had crushes on them before. Do you think I shouldn't worry about trying to find a specific label and just broadly identify as bi/queer? Or does this mean I'm probably sapphic-aligned?

Sofi
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Re: Confused about sexuality and masturbation

Unread postby Sofi » Tue Apr 06, 2021 12:29 pm

Hi there, welcome to the boards!
The good thing about labels regarding sexuality is that only WE can determine which ones to use. It sounds like you could certainly identify as queer or bi/pansexual, but if you feel like that doesn't apply, it's entirely up to you what to use instead. I personally find that 'queer' fits me best because my sexuality is constantly evolving and isn't the same day by day, so the broadness of the label feels right.
As far as your concerns about masturbation, don't feel pressured to masturbate in any specific way that doesn't feel comfortable. It's normal for some people to experience discomfort when trying certain things such as insertion of fingers. There is no right or wrong way to do it, it's all about you and what you find most enjoyable. I'm adding an article about it from our site that I hope can be helpful: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

Carly
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Re: Confused about sexuality and masturbation

Unread postby Carly » Wed Apr 07, 2021 1:13 pm

Hey Nia Ray!

What I'm hearing in your post is that you've done some research on sexuality and are comfortable identifying as bi, but also have some concerns about the terms you're using because of your feelings about your desire to have penetrative sex. Sofi is totally right - the labels and terms you use to describe your sexuality are totally up to you. Labelling your sexuality and being specific can feel very affirming and powerful, and may even help you find a supportive community full of people with similar feelings and experiences. There are lot of reasons you may want to, and remember you are able to take as long as you need. You're also not locked into whatever label you choose now for the rest of your life - I recently changed the words I use to talk about my sexuality after about 10 years. It's flexible! :mrgreen:

I think you might find these interesting:
-Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway?
-Q is for Questioning

Nia Ray
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2021 11:06 am
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: bisexual/queer
Location: india

Re: Confused about sexuality and masturbation

Unread postby Nia Ray » Sun Apr 11, 2021 1:05 pm

Thank you so much for the responses! They do make me feel a lot more at ease. That said I just realised that I don't feel physically attracted to men and I'm more inclined to like men who're "feminine" looking. Does this mean I might possibly be a lesbian?

Marisha
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Re: Confused about sexuality and masturbation

Unread postby Marisha » Sun Apr 11, 2021 1:26 pm

Hi Nia Ray,

My reflex would be to answer your question with: "I don't know, you tell me." I think what I've noticed about users who ask questions about their sexuality is that they attempt to apply their behavior to a set definition. Unfortunately, however, we can't diagnose you with lesbianism. I think what might yield a better path of exploration for you would be to step away from this idea of trying to fit into a label and instead think about what you want; what feels right/good. What does it mean to you to be a lesbian, and does that definition feel like a good word to describe how you feel? Which identity feels like the right one to use when you go about navigating romance/sex/sensuality?

Maybe this will help as well: Am I a Lesbian?


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