Scarleteen

Hello, peeps

So I'm a young trans man who's been out for about 7 months at this point. I've also been introspective about my sexuality and am confident about being bisexual, but being mainly into other guys. There's a problem though.

I know that I'm attracted to these guys, but I also find myself wanting to be them?

An example:

I have a parasocial crush on Brian David Gilbert (formally from the Polygon youtube channel). He's really funny and I thoroughly enjoy his content.

I'm very certain that I find him attractive and enjoy his personality in the way that I do when I am attracted to someone. But when I imagine myself as an adult (early twenties), it's him! i'm just him!\
Like the idea that when i'm 24 years old i could look similar BDG is just great, and that's what i imagine at this point. ( it will most likely change, and has changed in the past, to another guy i've found on the internet)

And a lot of the boys i find attractive in my real life I would also describe as being what I would want to look like.

It's weird, and I'm wondering if I'm alone in this, or if this is somewhat normal.

In general I also have a strange fear in not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who looks/is like me? like I get pretty freaked out about liking someone whose physically like me. I'm not really sure about this part, it's pretty weird.

All in all, is it normal to both want to look like someone and also be attracted to them? I've heard this a lot in WLW individuals and trans wlw specifically, but i've never heard it about men

it's alright if i don't get any trans specific answers, just some general insights/thoughts about this kind of experience would be nice.
So yeah, Peace out!

Hi JohnathanWorm,

You're right that you'll often hear queer women joke about the "do I want to be her, or be with her" phenomenon, but it's for sure a thing that people of all genders can and do experience. It's not all that strange when you think about it; if we find a given trait or appearance desirable in others, it may also be a trait we want to see in ourselves. You mention that you're freaked out by the idea of being in a relationship with someone who's physically similar to you. Do you feel like there's an element of fantasy at play in your crushes that makes that go away? Or is it that your crushes tend to look very different from how you look?

hmmm, im not sure about it.

I think it's quite a vague fear to be honest.
But when i imagine, like being in a relationship with someone with the same general features as me (short, white, floofy brown hair, roundish facial features), it just seems unsettling and weird.

Like im afraid of dating a clone? like it doesn't matter what their personality is, if they look like me, i don't think i'd trust them.

Idk, i think this might be unrelated to the main topic, but who knows? I truly cannot understand it.

Most of my crushes *usually* look different from me, so i think probably plays into it. they're mostly lankier and blonder.

P.S. i'm really not a fan of clones as a concept. at all

LOL, I get it. Heather was a very popular name in my generation, and I've never wanted to date someone with even my same name for similar reasons.

I do think there's something to this when it comes to getting more comfortable with oneself. After all, it's actually really common for couples over time, no matter how different they started looking, to start looking and being more and more like each other. If we're similar sizes, we might share clothes. We pick up mannerisms, vocal tics and phrases, etc. But that's also something that we get to get comfortable with over time, rather than having to come to all at once, you know?