Hey!! Thank you guys for all the awesome work you do.
I've always had a hard time masturbating. Up until earlier this year, I never even touched my genitals (I'm a person with a vulva) just because I was so nervous and uncomfortable about it. I think I definitely had a lot of big mental blocks and shame about it that I've started to work through.
I have a great boyfriend and we've recently started to engage in different things sexually (oral and manual sex, nothing else yet). We always go at my pace, communicate well, and he cares about my pleasure. However, I'm just super stuck on why the masturbation thing isn't working for me. I know it's the best way to get to know your body, and the only way to figure out how to have satisfying sex, and I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself but... it's hard. I've tried clitoral and vaginal stimulation myself. It always feels super medical and weird. Even when I get aroused on my own, once I start touching myself, the feeling goes away and I just feel nervous and sometimes, nothing. I've gotten better at it over time, as in I'm much more comfortable touching my clitoris (not directly because it's quite sensitive) than I used to be. When my boyfriend and I try fingering, etc, it just feels kind of strange, like SLIGHTLY better when I do it myself but still nothing to get all that excited about.
I'm feeling kind of stuck and don't know how to move forward because I can't figure out how to pleasure myself, let alone tell him how to pleasure me.