Insurance!!

[sky]

Y’all I get insurance on the first!!!!! That means for therapy I’ll only have to pay co pays now . I wanted to let you guys know because I can finally get mental help and help for my pain I’m always in. Besides telling you that, I also have a question about therapy but I’ll only ask if you guys say it’s okay to ask it.

I also wanna state that I’m tired of arguing and fighting it and you all. I’m sorry I was so shitty and hard headed in the past.

Alsooooo, I moved out almost a month ago and my mental health and everything has improved so much and I’m genuinely not suicidal or as unhappy as I used to be and I wanted to share that too

[Mo]

I'm glad to hear that you've been able to move out and that you can find a therapist soon, those are both great pieces of news.

[sky]

Thank you for letting me share it

My question if it’s okay is, do I need to look for a counselor who is sex positive? I know I need one who is queer allied as I think I’m bisexual but homoromantic. I know that you all have said I can talk about these things to my therapist but I don’t want to make them uncomfortable or anything. I wanna be able to talk about my worries and all the uncomfortable feelings I have to sex and I wanna be able to talk about the homophobic feelings I have for myself.

Also please let me know any boundaries as you have them with this conversation. I know there was a boundary that we couldn’t talk until I had a plan about therapy and I do but if there’s more and I’m not following them I 100% don’t mean too. I would look back at the other things I’ve written but I don’t wanna see that hurtful awful person right now, I really can’t so please bare with me if I’m disregarding them. I wanna be more respectful to you all especially Heather I was pretty terrible to them and I’m really sorry for that

[Heather]

I have honestly been very worried about you, so I am so, so glad to hear about the positive changes. Thanks for the apology, I appreciate it, and thanks for the mindfulness about boundaries: I appreciate those, too. Let's just keep that up so we can stay good here, including by following through to getting this care provider for you. <3

I think it's safe to say that queer and trans-friendly therapists and counselors are almost always also sex-positive. It tends to go with the territory. So, so long as you just focus on the queer-allied, you should be good there, but you can always ask clarifying questions in your screening process if you have them. For instance, you can say what you said here: "I wanna be able to talk about my worries and all the uncomfortable feelings I have to sex and I wanna be able to talk about the homophobic feelings I have for myself." And use that as a screener.

[sky]

I’m sorry you’ve been worried about me I’m honestly doing good. I still struggle with depression and bad thoughts but it’s a lot better then it was. I’m not as impulsive anymore, I definitely feel impulsive thoughts for sexual things but we’re in a pandemic so I take care of it myself and moving out has really helped that too. I don’t feel such horrible guilt anymore.

I’m honestly not sure if I’m even into girls romantically. I sometimes feel like I’m not romantically into anyone but that’s stuff I wanna talk about too. I think my traumas have me really confused and it’s hard to like figure it out because I have trauma brain not logical brain you know what I mean?

[Heather]

My feelings and worries are my responsibility, not yours! No need for apologies on your part. And yes, I totally know what you mean.

What do you need, if anything, in terms of next steps with finding a therapist? Mind, I know the timing is a little tricky with holidays.

[sky]

I think I will just try and see the girl I worked really well with until I stopped seeing her because I didn’t need therapy. I was actually getting somewhere with her and she really understood me. She’s the one who called the police on me though and I’m not sure if I can move past that yet

[Mo]

It sounds like your next steps would be to either contact her again to see if she has any openings (and, if you think it would be useful, to talk about the issue with the police to see if a conversation about what happened will help you trust her more again), or to check in with your future insurance provider to see what therapists are in-network and start looking for other options in your area. How about making a plan to take care of some of that this week?

[Heather]

Hey, Sky. I just want you to know that we have seen your other posts, but as you know, they remain outside the limits we’ve set with you in a few different ways. I’m afraid we particularly still very much need to hold that last line we set about only re-engaging with you in any real way after you have established some ongoing care with a mental healthcare provider. If anything has happened since you last talked about that that created any snags we can help with, we’re glad to do what we can to help you get that care. Otherwise, I’m sorry, but we just can’t engage until you do.