Hello Scarleteam, I'm M., I'm a transgender boy, and I'll turn 14 in less than a month. I recently found out that I have Vaginismus.
I was pleasuring myself, and when I attempted to insert a finger in my opening, it was like there was a wall preventing it. It wasn't the hymen (I checked). The walls were completely clenched. No way to enter.
It sucks knowing that I won't be able to enjoy sex life when I'll be older. I know penetration isn't the only way to do it, but society made it seem like it is. And I hate it.
I feel like I'm broken, like I'm built wrong, like a toy with factory defect. Some nights I cry because of it, I cry in secret because Gods forbid my parents know about this; I don't have a good relationship with my mum and I don't talk so often to her about my personal issues. My dad is a good person but this isn't the type of person I'd talk of this, y'know?
I would really like to get this problem of mine fixed, but I'm not 18 yet so I can't buy any tool or something to help me get treated, and I could not tell my mum that I want to see a gynecologist.
Sorry for any mistakes in English (it isn't my 1st language) but please help me. I would want some help or advice.