Is there a good way to stay happy when people around me aren't?

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BrianneTollison
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Is there a good way to stay happy when people around me aren't?

Unread postby BrianneTollison » Mon Oct 26, 2020 2:48 pm

For years, I've been very sensitive to other people's anger especially when they yell and use profanity. When online if I constantly see people expressing anger and hate, even if justified, it makes my mood more sour and makes me feel angry and hateful. For me anger and hate are as contagious as measles and as toxic as ricin, and I don't know the best way to avoid being intoxicated by the negativity. I can go to my bedroom/studio to avoid anger since it's usually downstairs, but with stress levels in my house rising due to events like the election and prolonged confinement due to coronavirus, I don't want to have to constantly be in my room. Even justified anger and hate can have this effect, and I need coping mechanisms. This weekend I was constantly upset and had awful thoughts related to Harm OCD about hurting strangers and loved ones, so I'd like coping mechanisms.

Mo
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Re: Is there a good way to stay happy when people around me aren't?

Unread postby Mo » Mon Oct 26, 2020 3:34 pm

I can certainly understand feeling uncomfortable around people who are expressing their anger, even when you feel the anger is justified.
In online spaces, I don't know where you're seeing the bulk of this but muting or blocking people who are being angry (or are sharing content by angry people), using a lot of keyword filtering tools, or taking breaks from social media or some online spaces when you feel overwhelmed are all good things to try. I know some folks who are just stepping away from social media entirely for the next week because things are getting so heated leading up to the election.
At home, I get how it might be a bit trickier to get away from people's anger, if you have family members who are expressing anger or frustration in ways that are upsetting. Do you feel like you would be able to talk to any of the people in your house who are making you uncomfortable about the problem?
If not, or if they aren't willing to change their behavior when you do ask, going to your room or otherwise leaving the space where the angry reaction is happening is probably going to be the best thing to do. It isn't fair to you, for sure, but it sounds like getting away from someone's angry outburst will be better for you than staying. If you don't always want to go to your room, are you able to take short walks in your neighborhood? It might help to have a brief change of scenery and some fresh air when things are stressful. I find that I tend to feel better, when dealing with any sort of tough emotion, if I can get out for at least a short walk. I'm a big fan of listening to podcasts while walking, but comforting music or just the sounds of outside can be comforting too.
Also, if you have good headphones, it may help to wear them while listening to something comforting when you're in your house and someone's being angry in a way you can't entirely escape. If you're hanging out in your room and someone's being loud in a way you can still hear, that might be an extra way to get some distance.
Finally, I do want to check in about how you're feeling about the stress and anger in your home right now: does any of it feel directed at you, or are you ever feeling unsafe at all when someone's expressing a lot of anger about something at home?

BrianneTollison
not a newbie
Posts: 22
Joined: Sat Feb 29, 2020 6:54 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: My Love Of Music
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Location: California

Re: Is there a good way to stay happy when people around me aren't?

Unread postby BrianneTollison » Tue Oct 27, 2020 6:28 pm

Most of it is not from online anymore, though it used to be mostly online. I've become a much happier person since I've spent less time online and more time working on music. I have tried to tell my family members to be less angry and acidic, and hope it works. I will ask my parents about taking walks around the neighborhood. I never feel any of the stress directed at me and never feel unsafe, but still feel upset by the negativity in my home sometimes.

Sofi
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Re: Is there a good way to stay happy when people around me aren't?

Unread postby Sofi » Wed Oct 28, 2020 4:02 pm

That's great to hear. I can relate to having to spend less time online to be happier overall, especially certain social media sites I know have too much negativity for me. I really hope the walks help too!


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