It went well on her end she said good things about it and me. I honestly went into it telling myself it was gonna be bad and I kinda tried for it to be bad on my end so I didn’t feel things but I still kinda did. We’ve been talking since last night and she wants to hang out more.
Insurance is coming soon, they said by the 15th I’ll have my application and it’s with work and I’m 99% I’m going to get it. Which will make therapy roughly $70 cheaper a month which is actually life saving for me. I do go see my psychiatrist on Thursday to get a prescription for my anti psychotic because that’s genuinely changed my life I’m so thankful for that pill. I think she might try to put me back on an antidepressant and I’m really scared of that because I’m not crazy about the last one I was one which is why I took myself off of it.
I don’t know how to communicate with her because I get nervous. Do you think you could kinda help me figure out what to say? I self harmed again and it’s been going worse since i last saw her and I don’t know if that’s something I should tell her because I honestly don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m not doing it to disappear or anything I’m doing it because I punish myself and it makes me feel better. I also don’t like how the anti depressants made me feel spastic I felt like I couldn’t control myself. Do I mention struggling with my identity to her and how that’s causing a lot of my depression?
I’ve honestly never know the difference on how to talk to therapists and psychiatrists. I don’t think you’re supposed to like tell your psychiatrist really anything other then how the meds are doing because the appointment is like 15 minutes or something like that. I know I burned bridges and stuff but I know you all are rooting for me to get help in any form at this point and I’m really anxious about this appointment because she’s nice but she’s very firm and thorough and it feels like she’s kinda mean and then I shut down because I can’t handle people being mean to me even tho she’s not really.
I’m sorry I’ve been a mess lately and I know you can’t help me anymore with certain things but maybe this is something that you could. If not, I understand fully. I don’t want anyone here mad at me. Please don’t be mad at me
Also, Heather you were right. Dating is something so far out of what I need. I just get lonely and want someone but I have my friends to help me I don’t need someone romantically at this point I’m not ready even though I sometimes think I am