First, I want to say that I'm sorry that you are living with PTSD and that it's affecting your relationship to your body. I know that can be so hard to navigate. I want to affirm that you did not do anything wrong, and certainly didn't "vandalize" your own sexual desires! PTSD and its underlying causes are not your fault.
It makes sense, and is certainly common, for this to change how you feel when touching yourself. I know that this may or may not be your *exact* personal experience, but I really think our new article -- Late Bloomer: A Guide to Orgasm After Rape
-- might provide some tips for getting back to your body & pleasure after a toxic relationship.
In the end, it's also okay if the way you experience pleasure is different now! <3 That happens to all of us over the life course. Getting to know what your body wants along your life course is every-changing and can be so rewarding.
Do you want to talk a bit about how this change in your bodily pleasure has affected you, or how you've been coping? I know you said you need help "getting through it" and maybe talking through your current coping strategies can help us navigate that.