how would you handle this?

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Crystal_River
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how would you handle this?

Unread postby Crystal_River » Tue Aug 11, 2020 8:49 pm

Today my boyfriend and I talked about past relationships and talked about what we liked and disliked. I was truthful about most of it but only after he started talking about his past first. What I did not talk about was my best friend who is a girl and how we had a slight sexual relationship. We are still best of friends but no longer sexual because we both have boyfriends. I love her as a friend, and I love what we did together, but I don't want to tell him. I feel embarrassed on what we did together but I still love her. But now I think I should tell him because it was a beautiful sexual experience, I enjoyed being with her, and why should I feel embarrassed about telling my boyfriend about it? I told him about having sex with two other boys, but why should I withhold telling him about having sex with a girl?

Jacob
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 989
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am
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Re: how would you handle this?

Unread postby Jacob » Wed Aug 12, 2020 7:31 am

Hi Crystal_River!

That sounds like a great conversation to have had with your boyfriend. In personally don't think there's anything wrong with having some parts of your sexual more private than others, it makes sense to me that might be a slighly more difficult thing to talk about.

It might take a bit more groundwork for you to feel comfortable with that but I agree that it's nothing to feel embarassed about. I'm really happy just hearing that you can look back at past relationships that way, and I'd hope that he might feel lucky to have it shared with him.

I don't think you need to or that there is anything 'wrong' with not having told him. However it does sound like you maybe want to tell him and share it with him.... is that right?

Have you spoken much about sexual orientation or about having had same-sex relationships previously?
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You

Crystal_River
not a newbie
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:11 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I am growing into the best version of me
My primary language: english
My pronouns: her
My sexual identity and orientation: bi
Location: Planet Jakku

Re: how would you handle this?

Unread postby Crystal_River » Thu Aug 13, 2020 7:06 am

lol, I don't even know what my sexual orientation is. I am a C/Q on the scale :lol:
No, no talk about anything when it comes to same sex relationships. I know he would GREATLY approve if I told him I was with a girl, but my same sex story is different because I was worried and questionable when I did it. Its a story with many errors, nothing sexy about it, but it became more natural for me later on. But I am still on the C/Q scale :)
And that is right, I would like to share it with him, but a way that's comfortable and a way that doesn't make him all excited.

Jacob
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 989
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am
My primary language: English
My pronouns: They
Location: Leeds UK

Re: how would you handle this?

Unread postby Jacob » Thu Aug 13, 2020 7:48 am

Hi again!

It sounds like the type of approval you'd predict from him could be part of the problem! It's a strange type of homophobia when guys make women's relationships with eachother all about them. I don't think it'd be a bad idea to let him know this is something that concerns you.

I don't think it'd be very kind or respectful for him to erase the complexity of your past relationships, so I want to add that him not doing that, and to listen to you acknowledging your experience, is also his responsibility and you'd have every right to be upset at him about it.

As a side note: I'm afraid I don't know what a C/Q is, would you mind clarifying?
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You

Crystal_River
not a newbie
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:11 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I am growing into the best version of me
My primary language: english
My pronouns: her
My sexual identity and orientation: bi
Location: Planet Jakku

Re: how would you handle this?

Unread postby Crystal_River » Thu Aug 13, 2020 8:09 am

C/Q for me means curious / questionable. What I was trying to say is that I am curious about sex with girls but I question if I like being with them sexually.
When this covid-19 thing ends the three of us can all get together and I will see how he acts when I'm around her. Not in a sexual way but in a hanging out at Starbucks way.

Jacob
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 989
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am
My primary language: English
My pronouns: They
Location: Leeds UK

Re: how would you handle this?

Unread postby Jacob » Thu Aug 13, 2020 8:36 am

Ahah, I should have guessed that, thanks.

That sounds like it could be helpful, if your comfortable with it, and might make it easier to start the conversation with him afterwards or spot any red flags.
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You


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