Unread postby Heather » Wed Jul 01, 2020 7:35 am
I'm sorry you're dealign with this, rox. You deserve acceptance without conditions. We all do.
I agree with Sam about seeing if you can't start a conversation about the unfair standard of "proof" asked of queer people that isn't asked of straight people. In fact, I'd say that with so many parents not wanting their kids to have sex at all, many make clear -- usually covertly, but some overtly -- that they do not NEED to have sex to know they're straight.
Orientation is about who we feel attraction to, not about who we have sex with, and that's the way it should be for a whole host of reasons: that everyone doesn't have the same opportunities, the same agency, the same safety, the same sexualities (asexual bisexuals, gay and straight people exist too, after all), or the same desires. Just because we feel attracted to someone doesn't mean we can or want to have sex with them. If you can expand this conversation, you might even try and gently make clear this can feel like a kind of sexual pressure, this pressure to "prove" an orientation with sex, a thing I can't imagine they want to be doing to you, sexually pressuring you like that.
Maybe you can also tell them that their acceptance of you and how you understand yourself so far -- in this as in any other part of yourself -- really matters to you, and is something you really need from your parents. Sometimes just saying, "Hey, can I just ask you to please accept me as I am telling you I am right now? I really need that from you as your child," can get to the heart of things for parents who can't yet see their own heterosexism yet, but CAN see their love for you as their child and want to meet your needs.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead