Masurbation
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Lilac butterfly
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Masurbation
Hii. I wanted to ask that does having sex for the first time hurts bc of the size of the penis? If it is then for girls whose have vaginal masturbation, can it be painless to have sex? Because I hear it a lot that first time really hurts and I wonder if they've never masturbate before? Or does it hurt bc lack of lubricant not the size of the penis?
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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Re: Masurbation
So, if by sex you mean penis-in-vagina intercourse, it actually isn't supposed to hurt, not the first time, not any time.
When it does, it's usually because of any or all of the following (some of which you're already on to):
• a partner is too rough or aggressive
• people are having intercourse before the person with the vagina is very turned on, usually from other activities first, like a lot of making out, oral sex or playing with a sex toy
• people aren't using any or enough lubricant
• the person with the vagina is scared or nervous instead of relaxed, excited and happy
• the person with the vagina is expecting pain (with sex like anything else, if we expect something to hurt, it more often will)
• it doesn't feel good and the person with the vagina doesn't say anything
• the person with the vagina doesn't know what feels good for them -- like what they know from masturbation -- to tell their partner
It's not usually about penis size, because the vagina is very elastic. Any or all of those things up there can make it less so, but when there's pain, it's usually about those things, not penis size.
When it does, it's usually because of any or all of the following (some of which you're already on to):
• a partner is too rough or aggressive
• people are having intercourse before the person with the vagina is very turned on, usually from other activities first, like a lot of making out, oral sex or playing with a sex toy
• people aren't using any or enough lubricant
• the person with the vagina is scared or nervous instead of relaxed, excited and happy
• the person with the vagina is expecting pain (with sex like anything else, if we expect something to hurt, it more often will)
• it doesn't feel good and the person with the vagina doesn't say anything
• the person with the vagina doesn't know what feels good for them -- like what they know from masturbation -- to tell their partner
It's not usually about penis size, because the vagina is very elastic. Any or all of those things up there can make it less so, but when there's pain, it's usually about those things, not penis size.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Lilac butterfly
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Re: Masurbation
Thank you for answering 
this made it so clear for me now to understand.
this made it so clear for me now to understand.-
Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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Re: Masurbation
Happy to help! Like I said, it does sound like you already had a feeling it was more like this, though.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 9537
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
- Age: 54
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: Masurbation
Oh, by the way! I don't know if you already know her and her work or not, but you have a WONDERFUL sex educator in Turkey -- Rayka Kumru. Her site is here (https://www.raykakumru.com/), including her YouTube channel, if you aren't already aware of her!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Lilac butterfly
- newbie
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- Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2020 2:32 am
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Re: Masurbation
I didnt know her but Im glad to hear. Im going to search about her now!