My girlfriend and I have been together almost a year (both 18). The connection between us feels so strong. I think we deeply understand each other on an emotional level. Every day we’re together, it feels like we’re learning how to be better partners.
A few weeks ago, during a phone call, I initiated a conversation with her about sex. She’s normally reserved when sex makes its way into a conversation, so I made sure to carefully ask, “Is there anything you’re expecting from our relationship sexually?” She said that she wasn’t expecting much of anything, as she wants to wait until marriage. To her surprise (she normally hears that people aren’t okay with it) I said that’s perfectly fine, and we just talked about her day. As time passed, I was thinking more and more about her response. It wasn’t till later that I realized that the difference between our stances on pre-marital sex might be something important to discuss. I started having sexual thoughts since middle school, but I didn’t realize the multitude of responsibilities and risks that came with sex until recently. In fact, it was on this site (amazing, btw) that I answered my sex questions. I now know things like why I want to have sex, what sexual health services are accessible to me, what I would like from a partner, what I would do if my partner got pregnant, etc.
I really care about this girl, which is why I want to make sure we reach some sort of agreement through communication and not coercion, but I don’t know what to do. There’s a lot about sex i want to experience before I decide to commit to one partner for life. For instance, knowing what I like and what I would ask of a sexual partner. I also want to know what sexual compatibility looks like to me. I respect those who wish to wait, but I have my reasons for not wanting to.
I want to stay with her, but it seems a bit dishonest to do so knowing we don’t see eye to eye on this. It’s not that I just want to leave so I can have sex with a bunch of girls, either. She’s an amazing partner and person, and I think she deserves someone who can wait.