hiya! so another dilemma has risen in my “journey” i suppose of becoming more comfortable with my sexual feelings/urges, my body, etc.
so basically i’ve been wanting to try different forms of masturbation, the main thing i wanna try at this moment is humping things.
now the for the dilemma im having; basically im nervous to try it because there is basically always someone home and that kinda stuff is way harder to hide bc its much more….visable if that makes sense. like its much easier to hide the fact that im touching myself than to hide the fact that im humping a pillow. also people could hear like the bed creaking or something which is another concern. i dont like moan or otherwise make similar noises bc im pretty good with staying quiet so thats not an issue. im mainly just worried that people would be able to hear the bed and stuff.
so yeah for all those reasons and maybe more im just nervous to try it even though i really want to. does anyone have any advice?
I think my advice would depend on how much privacy you have, and the kind of relationship you have with your family.
Do you have your own space/room? If so, can you close your door or lock it?
If the people you live with regularly come into your room, maybe you can talk to them about knocking, or giving you some time where you will not be disturbed. Such things really are common courtesy, especially as you’re getting older. We can brainstorm ways to have this kind of conversation if you want some help.
Something else you can try is to masturbate at night while everyone is asleep and unlikely to disturb you.
As for the creaking bed: maybe you can try to put a mat or comforter on the floor and lie down there to masturbate- that should make less noise.
You mention that there might be other reasons why you feel nervous- do you want to talk about that? Hearing what others have to say could dispel your concerns.
hi! thanks for the response! all of this really helps!!
i do have a door that locks in my room, and i’ll try to talk to my family about knocking if it becomes an issue. i have thought about doing it when everyones asleep but usually when my mom’s asleep my brother isn’t and im worried that he’ll hear something (he’s usually not the type to barge in my room tho). also around that time im already pretty tired and don’t really have much energy to do it.
i’ll try what you said about putting something on the floor and doing it that way!
as for the other concerns, the main ones i can think of that haven’t mentioned already i believe is probably stuff regarding my already existing problems with executive dysfunction. mainly because i really want to do it but i just cant for whatever reason if that makes sense. sorry im not sure how to describe it its pretty confusing.
like i want to do it but something just makes it so hard for me to follow through and just do it, which also might have something to do with the shame i still have regarding sex.
its also just really hard for me to figure out the right time to do it. because i dont want to do it when people are around, but i also usually dont feel like doing it when people are asleep. idk hopefully this all makes sense.
Tell me if I’m wrong, but I’m getting the sense that it might be difficult for you to relax and get into the headpace you need to masturbate while you know that other people are around- is this a part of what is making you feel ashamed or embarassed? And then late in the evening, you’re too tired, which leaves you with no time to do the thing you want to do.
And don’t apologise- your explanation made sense, and your difficulties are certainly not unheard of. I think lot of advice for people with executive dysfunction seems to focus on getting things done to meet deadlines at school or work- the good thing here is that you have no such deadlines to meet, so you can take your time. But I understand that it can be really frustrating to genuinely want to do something, yet not be able to do it.
I wonder if masturbating will become easier for you to do once you become more familiar with it. Finding the time to do it *now* might take a bit of manouevering though.
You could retire to your room early and ask not to be disturbed, or you could try masturbating when you wake up in the morning if people are unlikely to be around then.
May I suggest playing music or white noise? It could cover up any sounds you make, and it might distract you from anything outside your room. In fact, it might ease your concerns about making noise to run a small experiment: play music out loud in your room at different volumes, come outside, and see how much you can hear. People outside may be able to hear less than you imagine.
Sometimes people have little routines that make them feel more relaxed/comfortable and help them get in the mood, so to speak. Do you think you could develop something like that?
actually thats pretty spot on! i feel exactly that way!
i’ve actually never thought of using white noise. i have a white noise machine that i use for sleep so its basically perfect! im gonna try that. in terms of doing it when i wake up, im not 100% sure about that either bc usually i need some time to wake up before i do anything.
honestly deciding when to do it or like finding time to do it is like my biggest struggles rn as i have a hard time incorporating it into my routine. i also have alot of problems when it comes to executive dysfunction as mentioned earlier, aswell as problems with energy and fatigue, so im still not 100% sure what to do in terms of all that.
When it comes to dealing with executive dysfunction and fatigue around all this, something that can helpful is to take any tools you already have for managing those things and see if you can apply them to masturbation. Something I've noticed is that when people are managing mental health, attention, or energy struggles, there's a tendency to assume that sex or masturbation requires a whole new set of management techniques. But a lot of the time, the things that help us deal with those issues can be applied in sexual settings as well.
Too, would you like our help looking for resources that are written by/for folks with executive dysfunction for fatigue that talk about their own process of managing those things when it comes to masturbation?
As far as finding or making time to masturbate, if you live with other people a lot of the timing has to do with when you're able/most likely to have privacy. For some people that's right before they go to bed or right when they wake up, or when they're taking a shower or bath, and for others it's during times when they have the living space to themselves. So when it comes to making time for it, people often plan it for times when they can have that privacy. For one person, that could look like going to bed a little earlier, for another it could mean planning to masturbate when they know their parents are still at work.