Hi there AZbb, firstly, no apologies needed for your writing here, this all made sense. It seems like this encounter has left you feeling quite activated and anxious, which is a totally valid response, and I'm sorry that you're feeling like that right now. I hope you have been able to do some soothing activities in the meantime. If you would like some suggestions on some activities to assist with this, you can check out this page online: Self-soothing vs. self-care
In the situations you describe, the way that your boyfriend is speaking to you is not okay, or respectful. I can hear your doubting yourself at moments in your post, however your instincts are sound, and you are right that this is not okay, it does sound like that he is also mirroring patterns of manipulative behaviour that you have seen before. Whilst it may not be much comfort in the moment, the fact that you have learned to recognise this behaviour is a good thing that can help keep you safe, and not everyone can recognise that it is happening as easily when it happens to them.
The kind of behaviour, where a person talks down to someone they're in a relationship and insults them like this, is a kind of manipulative way to act where the person tries to break down someone's self esteem - they exert control either by the person doing what they say to try and be "better" and/or the person feeling inadequate and therefore depend on them more as the only person who they can be loved by and will stay with them despite these "flaws''. The way that he also tries to be nice when he wants you to do something and then quickly turns is also not a great sign.
You're also not wrong that him wanting to talk about himself and not you is a very unequal dynamic. It seems like he is interested in having someone listen to him, but not do any listening himself (which has nothing to do with the content of what you have to say, and everything to do with him wanting to stay focused on himself).
This can be a lot to hear, and might also be distressing to hear, even if it is also validating your experience, it can be a lot to feel at the same time. Also let me reassure that you that there are definitely plenty of ways to have a loving, communicative and safe relationship. How are you feeling to feel to read these things?
If it helps, these articles go into a bit more detail about what I'm talking about here, and also things you could think about saying or doing next. You definitely don't need to read these all in one go, but if you feel comfortable reading them and then sharing your thoughts here, we'd love to hear your thoughts: