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My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Thu May 07, 2020 11:48 am
by solareclipse02
Hey to anyone who is reading this,
I just felt like I should put this up to get advice on how to go about staying with this guy I went to school with before I transferred and he is still going to that school. I told him that I'm not going to go back to my old school. And my family and I are moving 2 1/2 hrs away from where I currently live, closer to the fall. He lives about half an hour away from where I live right now. I'm going to miss him so much more when I'm not going to be this close to him. Someone please help me.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 6:16 am
by Siân
Hi solareclipse02,

Big changes can be hard. So I'm clear, are you and your this person planning on trying a relationship long-distance, or are you breaking up? Have you spoken at all about what moving means for the two of you?

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 7:16 am
by solareclipse94
Hi Siân,
Siân wrote:Hi solareclipse02,

Big changes can be hard. So I'm clear, are you and your this person planning on trying a relationship long-distance, or are you breaking up? Have you spoken at all about what moving means for the two of you?

I couldn't remember my original account's password. So I made a new one and that's why it's solareclipse02 instead. It's still me tho.
So to respond to you, we haven't really talked about it. I mean we started dating before I transferred and we have been doing a long distance relationship for the past almost 3 months now. And we hope to see each other after quarantine ends. I hope to talk to him about it before my family and I move.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 7:30 am
by Sam W
Hi solareclipse94,

It sounds like, then, your next step is to talk about how you're each feeling about your move and how you think the relationship could look as a result of it. Does that feel like a conversation you know how to have, or do you feel kind of stuck about how to have it?

Too, since you've gotten a taste of a long distance relationship already, how has that been going for the two of you?

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 7:37 am
by solareclipse94
Sam, The long distance relationship is going pretty well. But we miss each other a lot. And I am willing to have that conversation, I just don't know how to start is off. I also don't know if he wants to have that conversation either.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 8:12 am
by Sam W
Glad to hear it's going well so far! As for how to have that conversation, this article has some really good suggestions on what to include: Going the Distance: A Few Thoughts on Long-Distance Relationships. It may be that you still have to have a moment of awkwardness when you ask him to talk about it, but sometimes a little awkward now is worth it to prevent more awkward (or unhappiness) in the future, you know?

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 8:34 am
by solareclipse94
Yeah. I mean he probably might want to talk about it's not clear. I might ask him today. Thanks for your help, Sam. I really appreciate it.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 8:48 am
by Sam W
You're welcome! And I hope the conversation goes well.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 9:20 am
by solareclipse94
Thank you. Quick question though: should I first ask him if he wants to talk about what we are going to stay together once I move?

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 9:39 am
by Sam W
I think that should be a part of the bigger conversation for sure, though leading with it might make you both a bit more stressed going into the conversation.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 08, 2020 9:52 am
by solareclipse94
Ok. Thanks. I was just wondering.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Mon May 11, 2020 10:11 am
by Amanda F.
Hi solareclipse94, just checking in with you.

How are you doing? Did you have a chance to talk to your boyfriend?

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Mon May 11, 2020 10:30 am
by solareclipse94
Hey Amanda,
I haven't had the chance to talk with him yet. I was busy all weekend.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Mon May 11, 2020 10:39 am
by Amanda F.
Okay. We're here if you'd like to debrief once you talk to him, or if you have other questions. :)

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Mon May 11, 2020 10:46 am
by solareclipse94
Ok. Thanks so much.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Mon May 11, 2020 12:20 pm
by solareclipse94
Hey- I'm still confused on how to start off the conversation. Could I get a few suggestions on how to start it?

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Mon May 11, 2020 12:32 pm
by Sam W
Sure thing! There are a few different ways you could start it. One would be to check in about the long-distance element of your relationship; in other words, you want to talk to him about how's it going or how he's feeling about it. Or, depending on how soon the move is, you could come at it from that angle. So, something like "hey, the move is coming up pretty soon. I'm feeling (insert how you're feeling) about it. How are you feeling about it?"

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Mon May 11, 2020 12:35 pm
by solareclipse94
Sam W wrote:Sure thing! There are a few different ways you could start it. One would be to check in about the long-distance element of your relationship; in other words, you want to talk to him about how's it going or how he's feeling about it. Or, depending on how soon the move is, you could come at it from that angle. So, something like "hey, the move is coming up pretty soon. I'm feeling (insert how you're feeling) about it. How are you feeling about it?"

thanks.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Tue May 12, 2020 6:50 am
by Sam W
You're welcome!

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Tue May 12, 2020 9:27 am
by solareclipse94
Hey- So I plan on taking a screenshot of my conversation with my boyfriend. But I will cross out anything that I feel I don't want to share with others (i.e. his and my names and stuff like that). And then I would add that screenshot to this thread.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Tue May 12, 2020 9:41 am
by solareclipse94
It doesn't want to work. I guess I'll just tell you what he said.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Tue May 12, 2020 9:43 am
by Sam W
It might be easier just to give us a cliff notes version of the conversation if you want to talk it over with us, since we caution users against posting images, even with some information crossed out.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Tue May 12, 2020 9:50 am
by solareclipse94
So basically what he said was that he thinks the long distance relationship between him and I could work out.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Tue May 12, 2020 2:53 pm
by Mo
That sounds promising! It sounds like the conversation went pretty well.

Re: My Boyfriend is staying at my old school

Posted: Fri May 15, 2020 2:12 am
by Siân
What about you, solareclipse? Do you feel good about continuing a long distance relationship with this person?