I’m very sorry, I had class yesterday and today was my boyfriend’s day off, so I went to see him.
I’m doing a little better every day. It’s still fresh, and hurts really bad, but I feel like it’s sunken in that he’s gone. I talk to him, either at the tree he’s buried under or to objects I feel are connected to him, like the fur I cut off of him. I mostly let him know that I love him and tell him about my day like I did when he was alive.
I’m involved in paganism and witchcraft, and am a particular fan of tarot cards. I found a spread online that helped me understand what I was feeling and how I connected with Dean. There was a card in that spread that was meant to describe whoever had died, and I pulled The Hermit reversed. The Hermit represents isolation, introspection, and safety. Reversed can mean coming back out into the world among other things. It’s fitting to me, because he was a very social cat, he enjoyed being around my family and I, and was the opposite of a hermit.
My boyfriend showed me that he had ordered a stuffed cat that looks pretty similar to him. He’s done this before with my other cats after they’ve passed. I know it’s not Dean, but at least he can sleep next to me again, in a way.