Tackling another anxiety inducing factor: Finances

[coolcats222]

Hello,
I know this is a bit outside score of Scarleteen in away and I don't want to take away resources/attention of volunteers, but you guys just have a great way of nuetralizing/ helping.

I am kind of broke at the moment as I delve into school commitments.
It makes me anxious to look at my bank accounts and do all the healthy things like check on budget, spending, and address late charges or something. I feel so bad and that's why I avoid it and it leads to more anxiety down the road. Sometimes I'll buy some food from my card but it will be accompained by the feeling of discomfort---if I got pass and on top of finances this will go away.
.
anyways just a vent

[Heather]

I understand! I'm sorry you're in this spot.

I grew up poor, and left home younger than most people. When I went to college, I had to take a year off between to work and save up so I would be able to cover some of my expenses. I didn't have any financial help from parents paying for it, so it was all scholarships and loans. I worked as many hours as I was taking credit hours, and even then by my third year I had to drop out because I just couldn't do it all and afford it all (there were other reasons too, but a lot was about money). It's 30 years on from there and I still struggle. Money. Finances. UGH.

It's really, really stressful, all of this! I also personally have always had a lot of rough emotional feelings around money, period, so I get that, too.

If it helps -- and you want any help -- I find passive budget apps like Mint very helpful. I say passive in that it does most of the work for you, so you only need to take a couple minutes a day, if that, to make sure things are being filed correctly. But of course, if you're in the red all the time, that only is going to help you so much!

[coolcats222]

hello guys-
Uff, thank you for that. I appreciate you guys being here. I closed a bank account and opened a fee-free one b.c not having a minimal balance was costing me. Now, I have to make sure that all the credit card new accounts are connected to new account. I have incurred some late fees and etc but I just have to pay it and move on. Waiting is making it worst. Had to ask parent for bial out (to be paid in 2023) b. c I didn't have any funds to pay for it. Realizing that helped me understand why I wasn't talking action on this issue.

So the goal now is just get the money from parent, pay off them as soon as possible, call and maybe ask to waive some fees, get the police report to contest another charge and also work through some part time easy jobs (ie weeks ) to earn a little - just a little helps for grocery food. That's all. deep breaths.

[al]

Hi coolcats,

Absolutely. Deep breaths. At the risk of sounding trite (feel free to tell me to f off if so), money is just money. It's weird pieces of paper and numbers and accounts and balances, and it's all incredibly complicated and a lot of it is out of our hands. It's not who you are, and you're not a bad person or a disaster if it's tricky for you to work with.

I might repeat my tip from our last convo - having someone to hold my hand/distract me/support me is always nice when I've had to deal with bills/accounts/scary negative balances before! Rewarding yourself for little steps (like logging into a bank account or paying off a bill) can help make a difficult and never-ending process feel easier.

[coolcats222]

Thank you Al.
Great reminder and great tip. I will need it more frequently this year

[coolcats222]

Al -
I brought my cuddly teddy bear and a hot tea as I tackled this.

I gave myself some positive re-inforcement that I can actually do this and I am taking action

What I have done so far: MY WINS! COOL-CAT's SMART MOVES
1)Talk to my student loan company. It was scarying but I did it! Got all the info and had helpful guy on the other end
2) Tried to get ball rolling on online teaching gig--may not happen but it MIGHT, but I am trying.
3) Got myself a study break job/worth a few months of food / for several weekends 
4) Got a police report
5) Managed to close a bank account so no more $12/month maintance fees.
6) Called one creditcard and ask about the $25 dollars to be waived.
7) Called another creditcard company assured me that my payments aren't late-fee inducing due to good standing and that it is OK.

Still have one BIG and MAJOR aspect to tackle but will do that tomorrow.
I have to look at my credit score (it's like report card!) and also my MINT account. I took picture of my scary balance and sent it to some people for emotional support.

[al]

That’s AMAZING coolcats!! Seriously, that is quite a list and you tackled it, all on your own. Congrats, buddy. You’re doing great. ❤️

[coolcats222]

I didn't do it all in one day , but giving myself some positive acknowledgement that I did somethings to generate cash flow etc --helps motivate me. Thank you guys, it's an on-going process. Having Heather too chime in and say she is struggles with this too and uses Mint made me feel ok, I am not alone.

[Mo]

You're making progress on something that's a big source of stress for lots of people so I think you're doing great! You're definitely not alone in feeling anxious or overwhelmed by financial issues and it's great that you're being proactive and finding ways to tackle that anxiety and manage your finances.

[coolcats222]

hello - all. I'm back in this warm fuzzy "everything is going to be alright" corner of the WWW to help me get through another step . Thanks for being here -'i'm re-reading the posts and answers above so i can log online, check my balance, call the bank and get on this thing.

[Sam W]

Hi coolcats,

I'm so glad our conversation here was helpful enough that you came back to it! Like Mo said above, you're doing an awesome job in being proactive about addressing this, even though it's stressful (I'm another person for whom finances are an anxiety point, so I feel you).

[coolcats222]

Thank you for providing support here. I'm facing some more anxiety about all this and just needed a therapeudic space to write and be supported (but even just writing and sharing is helpful to me!)

Basically procrastinating on finances is understandle and happens to all of us - I am realizing that procrastinating / delayed facing the music for another day is ACTUALLY making that "future day" worst.

I was able to follow money from mom to support my expenses while I study for next few months.
Now it's just a matter of the following steps:
1) Log into my account and see how little money I have--< laugh
2) Log into and make the transfer from mom's account to me. it DOESN'T mean I am failure, she was happy to help
3) calling my creditcard and ask them about the charge (I have a police report for one of the chrage, but if they will contest it, i'rather just pay and get my mental peace back),
4) Loginto mint and see my spending. It's ok

---
The other thing is checking my work/school email. I always seem to get bad news there, and I even have anxiety logging b.c some admin will be getting on my case about what I did or didn't do. *urgh* I was put on some diciplinary probation for "Failing to follow directive of a school official" so that trauma is there. lol. But today with the Scarleteen team behind me (virtually) , I will check it--
---

[coolcats222]

Update:
Checking email done. I'd say that my anxiety is always telling me that there's something remaining ---> putting it off day and day over will create more bigger problems. Things that could be solved with some emails and apologies --- if left undone-- > lead to bigger issue. I do feel that my school/ie. 'work' is on my case always -so emails must be answered if i think they are stupid. It is just like an employer-employee relationship.
--

[coolcats222]

not stupid. It's something that I ought to look as as "career/professional selfcare like brushing teeth" hehhe

[al]

Hi coolcats,

Way to go! I'm so glad you're tackling things in a way that feels manageable. You're totally right - if we don't do some of the small anxiety-producing stuff on the front end, it can definitely lead to bigger panic-producing problems later. Sometimes that's the only thing that really keeps me motivated.

I liked the point you made about career self-care, and it made me think about a framework that we use at my work: the Eight Dimensions of Health and Wellness. Basically that each of us trying to find balance and fulfillment in the areas of mental, social, physical, emotional, spiritual, occupational, financial, and environmental health and wellness. I've found it really helpful to create a list of non-time specific activities that are associated with that category, so if you feel like you're out of balance, you can always turn to it. For example, my environmental wellness category could have suggestions like: go water the plants, take a walk outside, go stargazing, go to the park, eat lunch outside, plan a hike, etc. I find it's nice to turn to when I'm feeling overwhelmed or need a suggestion as to what to do next.

We're rooting for you!