When you want support through something scary or rough, and help pulling yourself together and getting through, this is the place.
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- not a newbie
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Mon May 04, 2020 9:00 pm
- Age: 18
- Awesomeness Quotient: I make really good pie
- Primary language: English, french
- Pronouns: he/they
- Sexual identity: queer?? Gay??
- Location: Canada, AB
So a little context: my home life and family kinda suck (exception for my sister she's really supportive.)
My mom has a lot of issues. It's her own stuff that she's gotta deal with in life, but it's affecting me so negatively now that it's almost impossible to exist peacefully in my own home. She's very hypocritical and controlling and there is a longgggg list of emotional and verbal abuse that I could read off but for simplicities sake the most hurtful ones was calling me a "whore" and "easy to get with" when she found out I was sexually active and also the long term controlling behaviour she has over my life.
Every time I walk into my house I start to panic. I feel unsafe, stressed, even locked in my room I feel on edge. I am constantly walking on egg shells or watching how I act and react around my mom so I don't upset her or get her angry and then get the privilege's of my phone or getting to go out taken away. Leaving home might seem like an extreme action but I'm painting this a lot lighter than it is (I know that it's not normal to shake and panic when you think about your parent now.) And I have genuinely thought it through. I have a job coming up, my license, I have money saved etc etc. And I don't think it's gonna happen for another year (until I'm 18) So I'll feel more stable about it but I'll be honest I'm panicking.
I'm just so exhausted of being treated like this. I have to perfect for my mom because she needs control over a situation, and the stress of it is killing me, but the prospect of leaving also terrifies me- I'm worried I'm gonna fuck up my life, or that it's honestly not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be. I'm not being physically abused so maybe it doesn't warrant this reaction? I'm just so on edge and tired of pretending to be someone I'm not all the time. I know I won't ever be taken seriously by her, and we've had conversations about fixing things in the past but she never changes her behaviour and I can't do it anymore. I'm just scared of being on my own- and the last time we had a huge fight my step dad threatened to find me and "kill the fucker I was with" if I left home.
I wanna be able to be happy and live for myself, but I'm scared I won't be able to- can i please get some reassurance or advice on this (or just an F in the chat.)
- not a newbie
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2022 6:11 am
- Age: 15
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm just awesome?? i'm so cool
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him
- Sexual identity: Queer
- Location: ireland
hi KC!! that sounds really hard. I don't think that a lack of physical abuse means you're overreacting, and it's definitely not a good sign if you're panicking thinking about your parents. I think that this is a totally understandable reaction.
You say you've thought it through, you have a job coming up, your driver's license (i'm pretty sure that's what you mean by that), money saved, and that's great!! That definitely increases your chances by a lot. Do you have any idea of where you're going to live?
But I think that before you leave home or anything like that, you should call some sort of abuse hotline, I think your situation is pretty clearly not okay.
I hope this was helpful
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 9276
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 32
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Desert
I'm so sorry your mom and stepdad have created such an unsafe space for you to live. When someone is in an abusive situation, getting out is ultimately the best call, and if for you that means moving out and living on your own, that's something we can help you figure out how to do. If you haven't, I'd also check out The Scarleteen Safety Plan
, which we put together to help people get out of abusive situations; it includes a lot of practical steps as well as what things to make sure you have before you go.
Too, I want to say that while it is absolutely a scary, intimidating situation to think about, leaving home doesn't mean you're going to completely mess up your life. I know a number of people, both professionally and personally, who had to leave home for their safety and, while none of them would say it was easy or without it's own perils, most of them would say it was ultimately the right choice for them.