I think I need to leave home and I'm kinda terrified

When you want support through something scary or rough, and help pulling yourself together and getting through, this is the place.
Forum rules
We ask that users looking for general, ongoing emotional support post in this area of the boards, and that you use this space to both ask for, give and receive that support primarily from each other, rather than from our staff and volunteers. As a staff, we simply are often too overextended with all we need to do in running the organization and its services to do that for extended periods of time, and one of our main aims of our community at the boards has always been to facilitate peers to better be there for each other.

Users often report that they have no in-person peers they can talk to or seek support from: we want this to be a space for online peer support and somewhere everyone can get some practice asking for, getting and giving support so that doing it with people in your lives feels more doable.

Please remember that neither staff, volunteers nor your fellow users can provide or replace mental healthcare when that is something you need. Users struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, abuse or physical health issues are strongly encouraged to seek out qualified, in-person help with those issues in addition to peer or staff support.
KC
not a newbie
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon May 04, 2020 9:00 pm
Age: 17
Awesomeness Quotient: I make really good pie
Primary language: English, french
Pronouns: he/they
Sexual identity and orientation: queer?? Gay??
Location: Canada, AB

I think I need to leave home and I'm kinda terrified

Unread post by KC »

So a little context: my home life and family kinda suck (exception for my sister she's really supportive.)

My mom has a lot of issues. It's her own stuff that she's gotta deal with in life, but it's affecting me so negatively now that it's almost impossible to exist peacefully in my own home. She's very hypocritical and controlling and there is a longgggg list of emotional and verbal abuse that I could read off but for simplicities sake the most hurtful ones was calling me a "whore" and "easy to get with" when she found out I was sexually active and also the long term controlling behaviour she has over my life.

Every time I walk into my house I start to panic. I feel unsafe, stressed, even locked in my room I feel on edge. I am constantly walking on egg shells or watching how I act and react around my mom so I don't upset her or get her angry and then get the privilege's of my phone or getting to go out taken away. Leaving home might seem like an extreme action but I'm painting this a lot lighter than it is (I know that it's not normal to shake and panic when you think about your parent now.) And I have genuinely thought it through. I have a job coming up, my license, I have money saved etc etc. And I don't think it's gonna happen for another year (until I'm 18) So I'll feel more stable about it but I'll be honest I'm panicking.

I'm just so exhausted of being treated like this. I have to perfect for my mom because she needs control over a situation, and the stress of it is killing me, but the prospect of leaving also terrifies me- I'm worried I'm gonna fuck up my life, or that it's honestly not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be. I'm not being physically abused so maybe it doesn't warrant this reaction? I'm just so on edge and tired of pretending to be someone I'm not all the time. I know I won't ever be taken seriously by her, and we've had conversations about fixing things in the past but she never changes her behaviour and I can't do it anymore. I'm just scared of being on my own- and the last time we had a huge fight my step dad threatened to find me and "kill the fucker I was with" if I left home.

I wanna be able to be happy and live for myself, but I'm scared I won't be able to- can i please get some reassurance or advice on this (or just an F in the chat.)
oliver-kittycat
not a newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2022 6:11 am
Age: 13
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm just awesome?? i'm so cool
Primary language: English
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity and orientation: Queer?? probably gay
Location: hope's peak academy

Re: I think I need to leave home and I'm kinda terrified

Unread post by oliver-kittycat »

hi KC!! that sounds really hard. I don't think that a lack of physical abuse means you're overreacting, and it's definitely not a good sign if you're panicking thinking about your parents. I think that this is a totally understandable reaction.
You say you've thought it through, you have a job coming up, your driver's license (i'm pretty sure that's what you mean by that), money saved, and that's great!! That definitely increases your chances by a lot. Do you have any idea of where you're going to live?
But I think that before you leave home or anything like that, you should call some sort of abuse hotline, I think your situation is pretty clearly not okay.
I hope this was helpful :D
<3!
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 8128
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 31
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: I think I need to leave home and I'm kinda terrified

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi KC,

I'm so sorry your mom and stepdad have created such an unsafe space for you to live. When someone is in an abusive situation, getting out is ultimately the best call, and if for you that means moving out and living on your own, that's something we can help you figure out how to do. If you haven't, I'd also check out The Scarleteen Safety Plan, which we put together to help people get out of abusive situations; it includes a lot of practical steps as well as what things to make sure you have before you go.

Too, I want to say that while it is absolutely a scary, intimidating situation to think about, leaving home doesn't mean you're going to completely mess up your life. I know a number of people, both professionally and personally, who had to leave home for their safety and, while none of them would say it was easy or without it's own perils, most of them would say it was ultimately the right choice for them.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic