So, I had a thing for a 14 year old girl as of 5 days ago. She acted as though she had a thing for me, until five days ago she told me she didn't care, and was more attracted to this 22 year old guy, who lives with his parents, who she gave my snap, who preceded to call me a nig&$#, a simp, and then a nig&#@ - fag&$@ (which is really wierd since I'm about as Caucasian as they come). Which is totally her choice, ig. She was effectively leading me on and I don't know why. I thought about it for a while, and after my initial anger, I decided I was still very much in love with her. I decided I needed to change who I was so I could be worthy of her. I'm turning my whole life around to be enough for her. Every day I cut a tally mark into my chest to make sure so remember how long it takes to change. I don't know what to do. I hate myself. I want her, but I want other people. I need love and support, and I'm not getting any. I don't know what to do.
I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You're not scared. You're an asshole.