Hi Amanda and Al,
Thank you both so much for hearing me out. Honestly, I needed that. Listening is such a crucial thing to do yet so many people aren’t. So I really appreciate it.
I’m not sure how to help myself more. I’m with family and we’re definitely all grieving in our own ways. We talked about deleting social media for awhile (I just got rid of all my apps today) but I’m not sure how to draw the line of talking about it to vent and not traumatizing people. I have several friends (black and nonblack) and I’ve talked to some but I know this can be heavy for so many people that I don’t want to overwhelm them. I know it’s not the same if you’re not black but several other nonblack folks, especially brown and indigenous folks, have been through similar experiences with law enforcement and I can imagine that their trauma, while not the same as ours, is very much there and alive.
I was in therapy a few years ago and that always helped, but I love in a predominantly white town and I’ve never found a black therapist or someone who I felt comfortable talking about racism and its personal effects on me with. I know a lot of places are doing teletherapy now though which could work in my favor if I could speak to someone out of town who would be better suited to help me. Do you know how I would go about finding that resource (and one that’s affordable)?
Other than that I’m going to try to take it easy this week. I have a phone interview tomorrow (this is my third interview so I’ve got a pretty good shot at getting the job so that’s at least exciting
) but other than that I don’t have any plans this week. I really wouldn’t mind Zooming with some friends (I did with a friend last week and it was really nice) but I don’t want to ask if they’re not in a mental space to help. I do have some crafts I could do that I’ve been putting off, and as strange as it may sound cleaning up actually clears my head so I may do some late spring cleaning.
Honestly I just need to put more focus on my wellbeing and look at things that can help me feel better. I’m honestly not great at it. I’ve worked at it but it’s still hard for me to not want to help others and neglect myself, but I know I need to do it. And it will be good for me, especially now, to remember to take care of myself
(And I hope you both are taking care of yourselves as well. This has been a stressful year for everyone<3)