Am I doomed because of my personality?

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Am I doomed because of my personality?

Unread postby wolfcub » Tue May 05, 2020 10:12 am

I'm a shy, awkward guy with anxiety and autism. I have absolutely no idea how to flirt and only a vague idea of what he wants from a partner. If some girl flirted with me, I wouldn't know how to respond so I'd either bumble like an idiot or sit there silently.

I know that most girls do not find that kind of personality attractive. I beginning to want to change it but I have no idea where to begin. What should I do? Or is this one of those "accept yourself for who you are" moments? Because if it is, then I know I'm fucked

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Re: Am I doomed because of my personality?

Unread postby Sam W » Tue May 05, 2020 10:27 am

Hi Wolfcub,

The short answer is: no. There are lots of awkward, autistic, shy, or otherwise not great with certain social situations people out there who end up in happy relationships, both romantic and platonic.

The longer answer is that, if you're someone who really struggles with social interactions, including flirtatious ones, there are different ways of approaching that. Sometimes people address it as part of therapy, or learn strategies and techniques that help them gradually feel more comfortable talking to people. Sometimes people gravitate towards spaces and subcultures where awkwardness is less remarkable. A lot of nerdy spaces tend to be home to people who know what it's like to feel awkward (and, in my experience, sometimes neurodivergent people will be drawn towards those spaces BECAUSE there's more room for different ways of interacting). And yes, sometimes what people do is accept that the awkward or anxious aspects of their personality are kind of how they are. As someone who is awkward and often socially anxious, I know I've done all of the above at various points in my life.

I know we've linked you to Dr. Nerdlove in the past, and he addresses the question of how to build confidence in social interactions as a nerdy/awkward/shy guy pretty often. Have you had a chance to look at any of that advice?

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Re: Am I doomed because of my personality?

Unread postby Heather » Wed May 06, 2020 3:31 pm

Hey, wolfcub, I also wanted to let you know about a young writer who has some pieces here at the site -- Douglas Laman -- who is also a guy with Autism who has been figuring out dating. And if you want me to pitch him a specific topic in all this to write about, or even have him look at this post and write a thing on it, let me know and I'll toss it his way!

You can find his existing pieces here:
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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