Am I playing it too safe?

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wolfcub
not a newbie
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Am I playing it too safe?

Unread postby wolfcub » Tue Apr 21, 2020 5:53 pm

When I try to flirt, I always get way too nervous when I try to compliment a girl. I mean, normally if it's just a regular compliment like "Hey, these drawings you made are really nice!", I'm fine. But when it comes to using words like "cute" or words that have an affectionate context to describe them, my instincts flare up immediately, telling me that I'll come off as cheesy or just another jerk if I'm too aggressive.

However I just heard that a certain level of aggressiveness is actually needed if you want to let a girl know that you're interested. This has led me to the thought that maybe I'm overthinking about all this.

I don't know though. I just have to know, am I not taking enough risks? I mean, I've seen Dr Nerdlove's vid on the fundamentals of flirting so I know that I shouldn't keep pilling on the stuff, that much is obvious. But should I actually use words like "cute" just once instead of absolutely not at all?

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
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Re: Am I playing it too safe?

Unread postby Heather » Wed Apr 22, 2020 9:37 am

Hey there, wolfcub.

As I understand it, you made some agreements about limits on posts about dating here. Can we stick to those limits?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 8223
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
My primary language: english
My pronouns: they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Am I playing it too safe?

Unread postby Heather » Thu Apr 23, 2020 9:32 am

Hello again. :)

I believe I misunderstood when I posted yesterday, that I thought a limit had been set that wasn't a limit so much as a for-your-consideration. I'm sorry about that.

That said, I think that right now, at this point in time, dating, especially with apps, is going to be a very frustrating endeavor even for the most experienced and resilient of daters. No one is going to be able to connect with anyone in person or even make plans to, there's probably an above-average chance of anyone still suggesting in-person meetups being not a great or very together person (since that literally risks lives in a big way), and everyone is also in massive crisis right now, so no one is at their best.

So, for now, why not just put all this on the shelf, period? It just seems more likely to create more frustration and rough feelings for you than anything good, you know?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead


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