Cannot stop masturbating

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usrname
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Cannot stop masturbating

Unread postby usrname » Fri Feb 28, 2020 8:55 pm

Yes... maybe I'm a little bit abnormal.
Three or four years ago I started masturbating and had a lot of fun. Back then I masturbated three or four times a week and it was really relaxing and refreshing.
But now things have changed. Seems that I have grown fed up with sex. Masturbation does not bring me any pleasure now but I cannot cut it out. It even disgusts me. Not that I feel guity when masturbating. And it does feel good sometimes. But usually I just masturbate like a robot and experience mental suffering at the same time. And occasionally it affects the studies and I am not able to concentrate. Masturbation irritates me and I'm unhappy about it. But I just can't stop it. Every time I get bored or simply lie awake on bed I think of masturabting, even though I know clearly it is not satisfying at all! I feel I'm somewhat addicted to sex and it differs from normal sexual desire. Let me explain more clearly. The desire which drives me to masturbate is not the same as the one I feel when I have a crush on a girl and sexually want her, or I read something erotic (like description of kissing or cuddling). Yes, it feels like "sex for sex's sake". A little wierd, isn't it?
So how can I stop masturbating? I have tried to do something else that interests as well, such as reading historical fiction and learning about computer science and politics. But the desire to masturbate usually dominates.

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Re: Cannot stop masturbating

Unread postby Siân » Sat Feb 29, 2020 9:34 am

Hi usrname,

So you're right that masturbation can be a lot of fun, and most of the time frequent masturbation is definitely not something to be ashamed of. From what you're describing though, it sounds like you're feeling really out of control about your masturbation and it's interfering with the rest of your life. That could be a kind of compulsive behaviour - does that feel accurate to you?

There are lot's of different approaches to managing compulsive behaviour, and you could seek out help for managing that - do you have access to any kind of healthcare where you are?

As a side note, we tend not to talk about sex as an addiction here at Scarleteen - Heather explains why, and talks a little about compulsive behaviour in this advice column: Are we addicted to sex?

usrname
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Re: Cannot stop masturbating

Unread postby usrname » Wed Mar 04, 2020 3:46 am

Thank you Siân.
" Compulsive behaviour". That's exactly what I intended to express. So, is it the best for me to seek out the help of a professional psychiatrist? Or, should I go to see a doctor who deals with sexual dysfunction?

Gone.Sorry.
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Re: Cannot stop masturbating

Unread postby Gone.Sorry. » Wed Mar 04, 2020 2:18 pm

Hi, usrname! Hope it's okay if I jump in here. Sounds like most the staff is off today, so I just wanted this throw this in here in case you come back today.

Since there seems to be a lot of mental upset here (compulsion, masturbating even though/in spite of it not really feeling good, lack of focus, feeling disgust but continuing the action), it sounds like pursuing some mental health services would be your best first step here! If you've perused some other threads around the forum here, you'll see the staff have talked quite a bit about how pleasure during masturbation/sex has a lot to do with headspace and state of mind. It would not surprise me if, once you've confronted this compulsion to masturbate and can just masturbate when you actually want to, you'll find that it feels good and enjoyable again.

I would suggest that you focus on finding a professional specifically trained in sexual issues or who mentions being sex positive and has experience tackling sexual issues. This is because our minds, like our bodies, are diverse landscapes. Just like you would see a specialist for a specific physical issue, you should look for the same in a mental health professional, and if not specifically trained in discussing sexual issues, a mental health professional may be too ill-equipped in the subject to really help you tackle the root of this compulsion.

That said, the benefit of going to a doctor who focuses in some sort of sexual dysfunction first, if that's an option open to you, might be that they can, at the very least, help provide some good references for recommended mental health professionals. Your primary care doctor might also be able to help with referrals of this nature, especially if you struggle with other sorts of compulsions in addition to this one.

I see your age listed in your bio - do you feel like these are professional options you can seek out at this time? Do you feel like your parent(s)/guardian(s) would support you in doing so? Do you have a school counselor and would you feel safe/comfortable trying to talk to them?

One thing you might start with while searching for a professional/waiting for your appointment time is to spend some time thinking on and journaling a little about this compulsion. When did this behavior start? Can you think of something or somethings that may have triggered it or encouraged you to keep going back to masturbation? Is there a specific feeling in particular that you experience before you feel the need to masturbate even when it's not enjoyable? Doing this may help you notice some patterns and give you a good starting off point when you do get an appointment time. (For example, you mention turning to masturbation whenever you feel bored. Maybe one thing you can try is taking up something completely new to you. I saw you saying you were learning about computer science, but is there something new you can take up that would also get you out of the house, maybe? Walking or biking around your neighborhood? Gardening? Hiking? A computer science club or maybe computer science classes? Do you have a local library nearby that offers some sort of classes? Can you join a new club at school?)

I'd like to encourage you to continue trying to do other things (like reading historical fiction) in place of masturbating as well! That's actually one of the suggestions for helping to break compulsive behaviors - try to do other things and at least break up the schedule of compulsive behavior. It may not feel like it, but it's possible that has been helping you gain back a little bit of control at a time. So good job trying this! And keep practicing this!

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Re: Cannot stop masturbating

Unread postby Mo » Fri Mar 06, 2020 4:42 pm

I think horriblegoose has a lot of great things to say above, and I do want to echo the fact that compulsive behavior is likely to be the best angle to approach this issue from. Part of what is so frustrating about compulsive behavior is that it can take all of the enjoyment out of something that should ideally be enjoyable. What I want for you is not necessarily to stop masturbating completely, but that if you do masturbate, that it's something you're doing because you specifically want to masturbate, not because it feels like the thing you do when you don't know what else to do.
I'd recommend talking to a mental health professional about this and about ways to combat the compulsion, and I certainly can't stand in for an expert's take on how to handle it, but I do have a suggestion of something you could try while you're waiting to talk to a mental health provider about all of this.
First, try and identify how you're feeling or what's happening when you feel the urge to masturbate. Based on what you've said here, it sounds like something that's happening when you're bored, restless, or can't sleep, but if there are other common factors, take note of those as well. Next, see if there are other things you can think of, that you could write down so you can easily access the list, that might help combat or distract from those feelings.
For example: if you're feeling restless, go take a jog or a walk around the block. If you can't sleep, look into something like a white noise or other sleep app, or adjust your habits at the end of the night so sleep comes more easily. If you're bored, come up with a couple things you enjoy doing that you can easily pivot to instead. Stopping compulsive habits is harder than just coming up with a list of alternatives, but it's one step you can take to help stop masturbation from feeling like an automatic response to boredom or other feelings.


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