Masochism and self harm

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Ace
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Masochism and self harm

Unread post by Ace »

TW: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM
Hi!!! My name is Ace and I'm 14 years old :D
I've been reading topics from this website for a while, however, this is my fist time writting anything lol.
In the past years, i've struggled with self harm, and though I've quit the more.. "conventional" methodes of sh for a year now (YAY!!), i still find myself accidentally scratching myself a lot/pulling my hair when I'm anxious or overstimulated. (Which is most of the time, now that I'm back in school :,,) ). I'm only writting this because I think (i know) I'm a masochist, however, I m scared that if I ever try to explore that, it'll turn into a way of punishing my self instead of seeking pleasure. I guess I just don't know what to do, lol, so any advise'll be aprecciated!!! :D

PS: I'm sorry this isn't well written, i've just woken up, but i really wanted to write this now cause I've been putting off doing that for a while.
Latha
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Re: Masochism and self harm

Unread post by Latha »

Hi there, Ace- welcome to the boards!

This is a good question. While plenty of people with histories of self-harm practice BDSM safely, you're right that there is a risk that masochism could become another method of self-harm.

I think that to practice BDSM you need to be very self-aware, you need to respect your needs and boundaries, and you need to be willing and able to advocate for yourself (those are important skills in every situation, but more so here). So, what would this look like in practice?
  • Regularly checking in with yourself
  • Understanding your triggers and how to manage them
  • Refraining from starting a scene if you feel like harming yourself
  • Stopping what you're doing during a scene if it starts to feel like harm
  • Avoiding practicing kinks that might be triggering (for example, some people might avoid knives or blood)
  • Communicating clearly with your partner(s) about self-harm and how you're feeling
The good thing is that you can practice these skills in your day-to-day life. Does this make sense?

P.S. Do you want to talk about coping skills you could use at school, or accommodations you could ask for to help with feeling anxious or overstimulated? Feeling like that most of the time seems awful.
Ace
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Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 4:36 pm
Age: 14
Pronouns: I'd like to be called he/they please!
Sexual identity: I usually say I'm queer. :]
Location: Portugal

Re: Masochism and self harm

Unread post by Ace »

Thank you a lot for the reply, seriosly :].
I'll keep that in mind as I start exploring BDSM. And yeah, it'd be great if you could please share some coping skills I could use at school, I get overstimulated all the time, mostly because my classmates can get really loud lol. I've found most breathing technics don't really help, as focusing on breathing a certain way becomes another thing to be anxious abt for some reason :,).
Again, thank you so much for helping me :)
Sam W
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Re: Masochism and self harm

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Ace,

I'd start by going through the resources we list here: Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources. Some of them are specifically about self-managing anxiety in moments when you can't access other supports, so hopefully you can find some starting places to pick up those tools.

Too, it can help to keep in mind that, at 14, you're probably quite a few years away from any of those fears and feelings around masochism being something you have to deal with. So you may find that when you are at a place where you're ready to experiment, you're also in a very different place in terms of your own management or understanding of your mental health.
Ace
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Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 4:36 pm
Age: 14
Pronouns: I'd like to be called he/they please!
Sexual identity: I usually say I'm queer. :]
Location: Portugal

Re: Masochism and self harm

Unread post by Ace »

Thank you for helping me :] And yeah, I hope you're right lol, but I've had mental health issues for a few years now (they became more severe when I was ten, but i went to therapy for a year last year, lol, so i got a bit better), so I'm starting to think it's gonna be a permanent thing. But I hope so too lol. And truly, thank you a lot for the help :] I wish you the best of days!
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