I started masturbating pretty young, maybe around 11. I never thought anything I did was strange, although I obviously changed what I've done since 11 (I'm now 17). That was until I met my (now) ex. She was my first sexual experience, maybe about 6 months ago.
It was really hard for me to get aroused but it was really easy for her. She'd almost always cum, and maybe did once, but even then I'm not sure. I know orgasm shouldn't be the main goal in sex, but it was really frustrating for both of us that I couldn't cum. Basically, after a while of her eating me out or rubbing my clit or whatever, it would be uncomfortable and I'd ask her to stop, or sometimes I'd ask her to try something else (stuff like rubbing more non-traditional areas or adding more pressure) and she basically told me that she doesn't do it like that so neither should I. She was so sensitive and made a bunch of noise and stuff, but I didn't so sometimes I just faked it because I couldn't even comprehend feeling that kind of pleasure with her.
At first, I thought she was just kind of an asshole, but since we broke up, and I've been doing stuff myself again, I think she might be right. I need a lot of pressure, which makes me feel like my shit is broken. I also need visual stimulation, which makes me worried for having sex in the future because I can't just put on some porn in the background. I don't know if I've just lost sensitivity, or if I never had it in the first place. I see so many posts on people being too sensitive, but hardly any on a lack of sensitivity.
Everywhere online I see stuff similar to mine, and all the answers are different. They range anywhere from "stop jerking off to bring back pleasure" to "jerk off more to bring back pleasure". I'm on SSRIs, so I used to blame it on that, but now I feel like I've just permanently fucked up the sensitivity in my junk. I'm just so worried how this will effect future relationships+ I'm going to college soon and I want to feel like a normal college kid who can hook up with people and stuff.
Okay, this is a lot of stuff. I guess I want to put this out there to see if it's normal without having to talk to anyone irl about it. I also don't know if this is something I can fix or something I just have to live with, and I don't want to be afraid of having sex. This all sucks tbh and I just need to hear something from someone about it.