Hey there, Tinkerbell.
So, the hymen is actually not right at the opening, but rather, usually inside the opening. And when you can see any of what's left of it -- by the time someone's having sex, it usually will be pretty hard to distinguish from the vaginal opening because much of it will have worn away already, which is why I say "what's left" -- it tends to be the same color as the other genital tissue. If you're seeing something that looks like a radically different color than the rest of your genital tissue but is genital tissue, I'd say it's probably worth checking in with a sexual healthcare provider about. Since you are sexually active, it's time for that healthcare anyway. Do you know where to find that kind of care? If not, we're happy to help you find local care in your area.
Per the spotting, it is fairly common for that to happen, but when it does, it usually isn't about anatomy so much as about how people are doing things. In other words, it often is about not using lube or not using enough lube, about having intercourse too hastily, too aggressively, or before you're turned on enough or without you being turned on enough, things like that. Can you fill me in on what it's been like for you? Are you doing things like being sure to only have intercourse when you really want to and are very excited about it and turned on from other activities first, when you're using plenty of lube, with lots of communication from your partner so they know what to do that feels good to you and to stop of anything doesn't feel good, etc?
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