EdSnow wrote:This is so hard… I've struggled with this since I was diagnosed, gaining, etc. I did a few months with a friend from DiabetesStrong and she helped me prep for workouts by treating with low glycemic carbs. It did help, and I changed to glucose tabs only for low blood sugars instead of other snacks. I’ve found that eating a sweet potato or something similar before workouts helps stabilize… at least it does for me.
It is a hard balance… but know that you are not alone. Sometimes it feels pointless to workout, and like everything is working against us, but we are doing it for our health, and even if we have to treat and gain more calories, it is worth it.
Heather wrote:Hey there, belled. Good to see you again.
I see two prongs to this conversation: 1) making sure that you're not engaging in thinking or behavior that endangers your health in some way, that isn't in some way disordered (and I don't mean because you think it's sexy to be fat -- there's nothing the matter with thinking or feeling fat is sexy!), and 2) working out how you can engage in things to basically take care of your body that feel like a fit for you being comfortable in your body.
I'm going to start with the second, because it's a bit easier, and it kind of takes care of a lot of the first, too.
You know, there are plenty of fat, fit people. I have a lot of them in my life and my world. Just for some examples, do you know about Jessamyn Stanley? What about Louise Green? Or Ragen Chastain? Or Bevin Branlandingham? Jessica Rihal? Meg Boggs? If not, it's going to be a fun day, I think, for you and your search function of choice. You can be active and still have a fat body.
Ultimately, you can exercise and still have the body that's right for your body to have, and this is where we get into that part where the answer to the second bit weaves into the first. Ultimately, the best way to live as healthfully as we can with our bodies is for us to not try and make them ANY size at all, but for us to try and let them be the size THEY want to be, just by living in them and taking care of them as best we can: feeding them, moving them, watering them, resting and relaxing them. And we need to do all of those things for them, not just some. Skipping all movement or doing too much movement, or eating too little or too much to try and *make* a body be a given size just isn't a healthy thing to do to ourselves physically or psychologically no matter WHAT size that size is. Get what I'm saying?
I do want to also interject with some of the things you're saying here. A 20-year-old, or 40-year-old woman who is thin and small and not curvy doesn't look like a 12 year old. Rather, she will look like someone exactly the age she is who is the size she is. Womanhood, femininity or age is not determined by what our bodies look like, and frameworks that have made that so in the past or do still are really oppressive and very painful for a lot of people (yourself obviously included!). I'd encourage you to do all you can to try and work to dump these ways of thinking rather than to lean into them, or to think that the correction is to change your body rather than these mindsets.
How does that all feel? What might you think about the idea of rejecting some of these oppressive ways of thinking, loving whatever body types you do, loving your body as you do now -- again, there's nothing wrong with having fat and being into it! -- but maybe also finding some ways to still take care of yourself in basic ways instead of setting something up where you're telling yourself you can't engage in really basic self-care without losing your body, your body that actually really needs that basic care. <3
Heather wrote:I appreciate you trusting me to share all of this, belled. I'm so sorry there's so much fear wrapped up in all of this for you in so many ways.
You know, to me, this is starting to sound like mental health professional territory in a few ways; like you'd be much better served by someone with that training and in that more private environment. Is that something you might be open to looking into, and that you might have access to?
Heather wrote:You're welcome! It just sounds like this is getting outside both our abilities here, but more, outside what this medium offers. I think that what you need here is probably going to be way better delivered in a more private setting at the very least, you know? Both when it comes to the matter of others reading per sensitivity to them, but also for you to be able to talk about this in the way you are and really feel safe and able to keep being so honest and transparent. Plus, with something that might well teeter on the edges of disordered eating, you really want to be careful, and ideally want to be talking with someone with training and skills in that arena, and I'm afraid that's just not something any of us here can offer.
I do think I can offer some in-the-meantime things, though, if that's something you'd like?
Heather wrote:I get it. It's no doubt extra tricky in pandemic-times.
This kind of thing is one of those I think is really a matter of figuring out what does that for you. For some folks, masturbation takes care of them for a while, while for others that only makes them feel more focused. Something that gets a person in their body that isn't sexual -- like getting sweaty and full of feel-good-chemical like movement/exercise -- can work for one person, while it does bupkis for for another. Have you experimented with some things around this, and found anything that does or doesn't work for you so far? Any clues, al least?
Sam W wrote:Hi belled,
I wanted to chime in about your last point: sometimes, when we have thoughts or ideas that just keep circling our heads, writing them out can actually be really helpful (even when they're not distressing us and are more making it harder for us to focus on other things we want/need to be focusing on). Yes, sometimes the writing can become part of the obsession and we need to be mindful of when and how often we're engaging in it (and if we're neglecting other important things to do so), but right now it sounds like it's helping you manage those thoughts, so I'd encourage you to hold onto it as a method of addressing them.
Heather wrote:How's it going, belled?
Emily N wrote:Hi belled,
It’s great to hear that things have been going well for you!! It’s exciting that you have found writing as an outlet for your fantasies, it sounds like it allows you to be creative while also creating space for your fantasies in a way that feels comfortable.
I hope your exams went well! I also find that having something for me to focus on or work towards helps me direct my energies away from feeling anxious/bored/overwhelmed/etc (but it definitely wouldn’t be ideal to have exams all the time haha).
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