I have a close friend i'm currently in a comfortable friends-with-benefits relationship with. We've been close for years and we've built a lot of trust with each other and we know each other really well. lately we just sext bc of the pandemic, but sex is really important to the both of us although our relationship centers on our deep friendship.
it's rare that i feel the need to say no to sex/ting, but when i do, it's really hard to and more often than not, I end up talking myself out of it, convincing myself that i just need to warm up, or that i can fake it to make my partner happy. i genuinely can't tell when i just need time to warm up, or when my body is telling me it needs a no.
The times i do say no, my partner is understandably disappointed, especially if we had made plans to sext at some time but at that time i can't follow through. he always respects my decision, but the disappointment makes the both of us feel awful. it kind of makes me wonder if it's worth it; i do feel bad after sex/ting that i didn't want because it betrays his trust in me and my own trust in myself, but honestly, the disappointment hurts far more and it hurts the both of us rather than just one. we do love each other very dearly and the relationship is very important to us so i want to find a solution.
i don't know how to navigate this, and it's complicated by the fact that i struggle to trust myself that i deserve to say no (regardless of who my partner is), or that i know when my body needs me to say no. does anyone have any advice on the subject ?